Many of you have stopped me in the street this week to ask questions like: "Which way is the country headed?" or "Is the ceasefire going to be extended?" or "Have you seen King Kong yet?"

Being a veteran correspondent who believes that with press freedom comes responsibility, I am used to these questions and always make it a point to answer good naturedly: "How the bloody hell should I know?" In fact, we hacks are as clueless about what is going on in this country as most of you, our valued clients. The only difference is that we keep it a closely guarded secret.

Even so, after decades of experience deciphering press statements that don't say anything, we have become experts at reading between the lines. For instance, if two heads of state are said to have had a "free and frank exchange of views" one can be sure they came to blows and one of them suffered a dislocated eyeball.

If, on the other hand, the official spokesman describes a one-on-one meeting as being held in "a cordial and friendly atmosphere" then it would be a safe bet that the two leaders probably sat face-to-face in stony silence for one hour and forty-five minutes until one of them fell asleep in his chair out of sheer boredom.

We reporters have also become specialists in the art of reading body language and gestures when VIPs meet. How firm was the handshake? Was there any eye contact? Did one of them, unbeknownst to the press corps, have the other by the gonads? That is why it is instructive to study closely this photograph of Vice Chairman Bista greeting visiting Indian Foreign Secretary Saran this week. I know what some of you with dirty minds are thinking. You are thinking: "Yuk, are they kissing or what?"

I don't mind admitting that was exactly what crossed my mind at first, making me quite worried about the implication on our already-strained bilateral relations of such public display of political osculation in broad daylight. After all, smooching is still strictly banned in Indian cinema and, because we copy everything, it is frowned upon on the Nepali silver screen as well. (Fine Print: Kissing ass, however, is quite acceptable in both cultures.)

What a relief that this picture did not put an irreparable dent on bilateral diplomatic relations similar to the furore that followed the peck on the cheek that Nelson Mandela once placed on Shabana Azmi. What made the Nobel laureate pay lip service to Shabana we won't know until we view a slow motion replay of that incident, but it is clear that some foreigners think they can take liberties with subcontinental womanhood.

And then there was the time Khuswant Singh (twice voted Most Lecherous South Asian Alfa Male by Femina magazine) slobbered all over the daughter of the Pakistani Ambassador in New Delhi during the launch of his (Kushie\'s) latest semi-autobiographical potboiler and nearly triggered off an Indo-Pak nuclear exchange.

Thank heavens times are changing and Bollywood has now started allowing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation in its movies. It won't be long before our political leaders, too, no longer have to be shy about kissing and making up in public.