If you have turned to this page in search of comic relief, then I'm sorry to have to break the distressing news that you have come to the wrong place. Is that twittering I hear from the back? No twittering, y'understand? Twittering is against the national interest and is strictly prohibited until further notice.

What's so funny anyway? It's no laughing matter when Mars is so close to planet Earth, it's deadly serious. We don't want anyone to be in stitches around here and if caught indulging in unprovoked laughter perpetrators will be tickled with a feather on the soles of their feet. If you want to laugh I suggest you go elsewhere, for instance to the humour-mongering state media which is the only official mouthpiece licensed to poke fun at the higher-up authoritarians without let or hindrance.

Here on this page we are seriously committed to follow the directives laid down in the Royal Ordinance Amending Some Press Rules and Regulations Act 1984 (hereinafter referred to as \'If This is Not Draconian Enough For You We Can Issue Another Edict\') which has finally introduced much-awaited and welcome restrictions on uncontrolled guffawing, mindless chortling, chuckling for no reason, falling off one's chair clutching one's belly, and all public display of amusement of any kind at the expense of those in positions of power and authority without written approval by the Department of Mirth Control of the Ministry of Infotainment and Population of an application signed, fingerprinted and filed in triplicate two months prior to the publication of the alleged joke. Permission will be granted on a case-by-case basis under the credo: 'He who laughs best laughs behind bars, and that includes Rumdoodle.'

And as long as we are on the subject we'd also like to bring to the notice of citizens new provisions in the decree proscribing rumours, gossip, innuendo and mindless chitchat with immediate effect. Only officially-sanctioned propaganda is henceforth allowed to be circulated by word-of-mouth provided they meet minimum government-approved standards of sycophancy and adulation to the high and mighty.

Even though it may be belabouring the obvious we would like to reprint sections of the said ordinance to refresh people's memories. Don't tell us we didn't warn you.

Amendment to the Get-Tough Act 2015
Notwithstanding anything already written in Proviso 52 (d) of Section 3 (i) Sub-Section 15b Clause (c) of the Freedom of Expression Act or elsewhere in the existing statutes, any corner momo shop, barber shop or beauty parlour that transgresses prevailing laws on sedition by allowing customers to take part in conversation that can be construed as \'news\' will henceforth have their licenses revoked. Only conversations among clients dealing with \'informative items\' like health, education, family planning, environment, weather, road transportation or related to any development activities with an objective of promoting public awareness will henceforth be allowed.

Amendment to the Tough Act To Follow 2017
In Clause (d) of Sub-Section (2) of Section 18-D of the Act, the words \'fine up Rs 500,000 or two years imprisonment or both\' has been added to the provisions on defamation. The definition of defamation has also been widened to include: \'Anyone practicing voodoo with the intention of countering officially-sanctioned occult rituals, or anyone harbouring negative vibes about aforementioned regime or thinking nasty anti-national thoughts is liable to punitive measures uner the law\'.