ust have finally dawned on each and everyone among us by now that we have just voluntarily and out of our own free will stayed at home for three straight days in a spontaneous gesture of support for one bunch of jokers (which we shall for the time being call Team A) to topple another bunch of jokers (which we shall call Team B) to be this country's Numero Uno Clown-in-Chief. We must collectively thank
eam A for this opportunity to express our holehearted, unquantified and air-conditioned support for their bid to be head honcho of this circus by allowing us to enjoy a totalitarian bed rest and to adhere to a strict liquid diet of Single Malt for most of this past week. Ladies and gentlemen, let us give the organisers a big hand.
That the three days have been a grand all-round success there is now no doubt-because Team A says so. But if you asked me (not that you have, but here I go anyway) what the biggest achievement of the three day national sleep-in has been for our nation, it is that at the end of it Team B is still in charge. Which means it leaves open the opportunity for Team A to once more request us to please consider voluntarily taking another week bed rest with liquid diet before the budget session.
Over at the HQ of the Communist Party of Nepal (Unfit Marxist-Leninists) they have been engaged in marathon debriefing sessions and have unanimously decided that last week is sure to go down in the annals of the Great International Proletarian Revolution as One Great Leap Forward for Mankind and Two Leaps Back. Here is the latest tally of achievements:
l 3,108 bicycle tyres deflated
l 7.3 million litres of petrol and kerosene-laced diesel saved
l 35 goats, 57 ducks and 403 chicken which would otherwise have been lost to road kill on our highways
live to see another day
l 5,678 marriage processions dispersed nationwide
l At least 3.2 litres of Single Malt allegedly consumed in one newspaper office alone.
If all this could be achieved in three days, how much more could be done in a week...two weeks.a month. Insider sources tell us Party HQ is now inundated with congratulatory messages of heartiLest felicitation and ubilation from fraternal and maternal organisations all over the world commending the General Secretary on the successful completion of his three-day National Paralysis. Just to give readers an idea of the intense international camaraderie and solidarity, we reprint below the full text of some of the messages:
Telegram from Bangladesh Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina Wazed:
CONGRATULATIONS STOP YOU OUTDID US STOP THREE DAYS WHOLE COUNTRY STOP BUT WHY ON EARTH DID YOU BURN OUR MOTOR-CYCLE AT MITRA PARK ON SUNDAY QUESTION MARK WE VERY VERY ANGRY STOP PHULBARI TRANSIT STOP SMUGGLING OF OXEN STOP MEDICAL SEATS FOR NEPALIS STOP
From Kim Jong-Il:
You have just received a Blue Mountain Internet greeting card from Dear Leader in Pyongyang, and it goes: "Comrade Nepal, you still have a lot to learn about Juchhe, but you are getting the general Idea. In North Korea, our streets are empty of cars all year round, our huge hotels are always empty. If you continue at this rate, you will also be able to attain Jucche. Keep it up. Yours in solidarity and camaraderie, Kim the Last of the Reds."
MSN Hotmail from Fidel Castro: "Bravo. You have just struck another blow at the heart of global imperialism. Sending cigars by DHL."