Recently, I had the opportunity of visiting the CAN Infotech at the International Convulsion Centre at New Baneswore where young nerds in diapers rubbed shoulders with even younger geeks sucking pacifiers. Having myself been born sometime during the Lichhavi Period, I felt absolutely obsolete among these disgustingly young whippersnappers. Forget the digital divide, we were face to face here across an age chasm. The other thing that struck me immediately was that no one at the International Confusion Centre actually spoke any known language. The lingua franca there was Geekspeak.

I tried to make myself heard: "Hullo. Yes, I'd like to buy a.um.computer. Would you happen to have a computer, please?" A kidlet who looked like he had just been weaned from breast-milk to solid foods unglued his face from a monitor and replied: "Ah, yes, old timer, here we have a gfunuk compendium of muscle-jet, think-head 40x Lotus-eater smart suite millennium Ethernet 12.1" SVGA TFT active matrix ultralight paraglider, mfumboomba Dvorak keyboard with stainless black duralium chassis." It struck me that I may need an interpreter, so I waddled over to the help desk which was manned by two women who looked like they were first and second runners-up in the Miss Photofinish Nepal contest.

Sunnusna," I said nervously. "Do you know where I can buy a cheap computer?" First runner up tried to be helpful, unfurled her eyelashes which were nearly as large as the wings of a Lesser Himalayan Fork-tailed Drongo, and asked sweetly: "Do you want a pipeline burst cache with dual entry docking cradle at 99.9 percent uptime supported by five premium backbones with integrated 6.8 GB 5400 RPM Smart II ultra ATA hard drive C++ 8.95 gigahertz 15.9" megapixel, or would a simple Titan quantum raid controller with an ultra-violent mouse do?"

That is when I figured that unless these cyber tadpoles at the International Confession Centre learn to speak in a language everybody can understand, the Digital Divide in Nepal will only Multiply. And here is where the newly-appointed Minister of Micro-Chips and Instant Noodles, Cyber Prasad, can make a huge difference in the way this country is governed.

He's already made a bold start by attempting to defrag the country, and now wants to ensure that all 37 members of the new council of ministers get online as soon as possible. In the fitting tradition of the ruling party, there is sure to be a mad scramble for the more sought-after email addresses, and this could bring a country that is already at a standstill into an even bigger standstill. So, in the interest of national harmony, amity and peaceful co-existence we have tabulated below suggested email addresses for cabinet members:

Girija Prasad Koirala: [email protected]

Ram Chandra Poudel: home@sweet_home.net

Khum Bahadur Khadka: melamchi%@water.np

Aftab Alam: [email protected]

Mahesh Acharya: [email protected]

Omkar Shrestha: [email protected]

Surendra Prasad Chaudhari: [email protected]

Chakra Bastola: [email protected]

Jay Prakash Anand: [email protected]

Palten Gurung: [email protected]