It has been our experience in the news business that important international happenings like Maria Sharapova's new tennis shoes, Kate Winslet's pregnancy and Sheryl Crow taking out an insurance policy on her bellybutton often crowd out equally earth-shattering events here at home.

And even as our incredible state media tries valiantly to include all domestic news that is fit to print, it inevitably has to drop these items for reasons of lack of space. That is why it is incumbent upon us in the national interest to bring our valued readers upto speed on happenings on the domestic front without fear or favour. This roundup of weekly news is brought to you by Royal Snag ('Drink your troubles away') and Mero Desh mobile phone ('It's mine, all mine.')

Miss Canine Crowned
BY A NEWS HOUND

Not to be outdone by the plethora of human beauty contests, Kathmandu's canine population held its own Mr and Mrs Dog pageant this week. Contestants were judged in the Hottest Dog, Dog-Eat-Dog, Best Son-of-a-Bitch and Most Photogenic Tail-between-the-Legs categories.

Pukuli, a six-year-old mongrel bitch who was crowned Miss Canine Nepal, won the pageant for the best answer in the interview round in which a judge asked her whether she was optimistic about Nepal's future. Her winning reply: "We have a bright future ahead of us. I read in the papers today that the country is going to the dogs."

Nepal Sends Aid to New Orleans
BY OUR DISASTROUS EXPERT

Despite being hard-pressed for cash to buy new guns and stretch-Jaguars, His Majesty's Government has sent $25,000 to help evacuees in the hurricane disaster in the southern United States.

"It's not just a token amount," clarified the government spokesman, "it means we are diverting serious cash from essential purchases."

Like other Asian countries, Nepal has also sent a team of 15 medical personnel to attend to survivors of the hurricane. After landing in New York and seeing the seriousness of the crisis all of them decided to stay on in the United States and not return to Nepal at the present time, RSS reports.

Nepali Congress Backs Dynasty Rule
FROM OUR PRO-CONGRESS CORRESPONDENT

A week after dropping references to constitutional monarchy from its statues, the Nepali Congress has implemented a provision that the party should be led by its ruling dynasty and fulfilled this commitment by electing five senior Koiralas to the Central Committee. "Look at America and India, even in republics you need a dynasty," said a Koirala who wanted to remain anonymous.

Now for some sports news:

Boxing Declared National Game
FROM OUR SPORTS SECTION

The Birthday Cup Boxing Knockout Tournament got underway at the covered hall this week as the first round of bouts left two players severely injured.

Inaugurating the championships, the Minister of Sports and Leisure said that at a time when there was a Boxer Rebellion going on in the country the game was a great way to pass the time, and added: "Despite the ceasefire, boxing is an appropriate game for Nepal but we shouldn't treat anyone with kid gloves, we should use an iron fist."