Now that the Prime Minister has won a Vote of Overconfidence and gone off to Pokhara to check out the scene-scenery, what we are not understanding is who is going to handle the Ministry of Animal Husbandry back in Kathmandu. Flying home earlier this week, I was told in hushed tones by the authorities at the Tribhuvan Multinational Airport that wild boar have been spotted digging for truffles in the vicinity of the VIP apron. It is time for the authorities to get on a war footing and leave no stone turned upside down to wipe out the boar menace once and for all. That is if they can first sort out the dog menace, the vulture menace, the earthworm menace, the monkey menace and all other vertebrate, invertebrate and extraterrestrial menaces that plague our main airport at the present time in this nation's glorious history. This is a job for crack units of the Paramilitary Taskforce of the Ministry of Animal Husbandry, no one else can handle it.
But Kathmandu's problems pale in comparison to the hazards faced in remote corners of the kingdom. Try, for instance, to persuade a fully-grown one-horned rhinoceros cow to vacate the runway at Meghauli, or talk a herd of yaks out of crossing the runway to get at the greener grass on the other side at Syangboche. Just try it. You will soon realise that higher mammals in our country have the freedom of the wild ass: they graze where they want, they drop droppings with wanton disregard for whether or not it violates the Convenants of the International Treaty on the Disposal of Hazardous Wastes which this country has ratified, and they go about as if they own the place.
As anyone who has ever husbanded a female rhino in Meghauli will tell you, a great deal of care and training needs to go into nurturing a relationship. In every marriage there has to be compromise, accommodation, and, yes, a commitment to live together (till reincarnation do you part) even if you want to punch the spouse in the proboscis every time he snores. It is the same in political marriages: there has to be give and take. If someone is giving then some other one must be taking, if not then there is no Big Deal. This is why the Minister of Animal Husbandry is a crucial post during the Pokhara Cattle Fair (slogan: "You scratch my back, and I'll stab you in yours") where livestock will be auctioned to the highest bidder in the run-up to the next general erection. Many prize specimens will change hands as the non-stop partying gets underway.
OK, boys, enough fun and games. Time to get this show on the road.
