News that an Islamic court in Saudi Arabia has sentenced a passenger who used his mobile phone during a domestic flight to 20 lashes with a wet camel-hide whip, is a wake-up call for our own legislators to update Nepali laws regarding the use of hand phones in restricted areas. Having once observed the Minister of Telepathy and Communications take a call on his mobile phone which rang while he was at the podium delivering a keynote address in the Hotel Yakyetiyak on the theme "Nepal and the WTO, Problems and Prospects", I must admit that this is a sign that our nation has finally arrived at the doorstep of the information revolution. But it cannot be a free-for-all, there has to be some regulation, and we can immediately set an example by banning the use of mobiles in the men's loo of the House of Representatives.
Having once had the opportunity of using the facilities in the august house, I noticed that it is invariably just as the honourable member steps upon the podium for the anointment ceremony that his cellphone will emit a cheerful warble.
What follows is an intricate series of sequenced manoeuvres that involve a) untying two sets of surwal knots, b) clasping the hem of the daura under the chin, even as c) the mobile is held in position by one uplifted shoulder to the right ear, while d) hopping around on one leg like Peter Sellers as the barometric pressure builds up. All members of the male species will readily attest that such emergencies wreak havoc on aim, and if there are a sufficient number of such near-misses then members will inadvertently be raising a big stink in the house. Hence the law declaring loos out of bounds for MP mobiles.
As we all know, Nepal has some splendid laws, the world's best, in fact. But we have a slight problem implementing them. There is no point just banning mobile use in restricted areas, it has to be accompanied by a serious deterrent. And here we have a lot to learn from the Saudis who have no problems at all with implementation because they are world leaders in the highly specialised field of amputation jurisprudence. For example, you never hear of Sheikhs adulterating their country's crude oil exports with 30 percent seawater because the punishment for doing so is on-the-spot dismemberment of the hose in question, or a frontal lobotomy, or both. Now, if we had deterrent like that you can bet your bottom carburettor that Mr Krishna Upreti of the New Sita Oil Stores in Parsa who admits to committing adultery with our nation's fuel supply would quickly mend his ways.
We greet the Ministry of Immobility for having finally decided to turn the humble handphone into a handy multi-purpose tool for national development. The new phones can also
serve as:
pollution detectors
remote controls to change traffic lights
microwave transmitters to heat tea at work
stun guns to punish ministers who get calls on mobiles while delivering keynote saddresses
lie-detectors (beeps when pointed at the podium)
a global positioning system to precisely locate white plate cars on Saturdays
bugging devices to eavesdrop on MPs breaking the law in the loo.
