According to recent unusually reliable reports in the state media quoting military sources, things have been going strictly according to plan since the generals took charge, generally speaking.

Far be it for us non-state actors to doubt these assertions, especially because we don't know what the plan was in the first place. The great thing about having a highly classified top secret plan no one knows about is that no one can tell when things are not going according to plan. That's called good planning.

But even the world's best-kept secret plan could, unbeknownst to bystanders, not go according to plan so it is advisable to have a standby plan as well that no one knows about. That way we ensure the confidentiality of classified material and it is imperative that such top secret information is shared only on a no-need-to-know basis which by definition means that the best military plan is one that doesn't even exist so no one is ever going to blurt it out by mistake.

In the age of information warfare, an even more effective strategy is to create a diversion by spreading misinformation classified as top secret so that the enemy is hoodwinked into thinking that you actually have a plan when in fact you don't so that all their careful planning to counter your phantom plan is a waste of time. Where things can go wrong is when friendly personnel start believing the lies in your own top secret highly classified misinformation and think that is the actual plan.

The experience of the US army in Vietnam is used in military academies as an example of how to conduct information warfare because not even the commander-in-chief knows what the plan is. The Americans are following the same time-tested strategy now in Iraq and we can learn a lot from them. Even George W Bush doesn't know what he is doing in Iraq and only a few generals know what the real plan is and they are (in alphabetical order): General Dynamic, General Electric and General Pandemonium.

It is a matter of pride that the US military is assisting coalition partners around the world with counter-insurgency training because we can learn a lot about their top secret anti-guerrilla modus operandi, ad hoc ergo propter hoc, habeus corpus, ipso facto argumentum ad hominum, post-partum status quo and ad nauseum. The reason the previous sentence is in Latin is because we don't want the enemy to unravel our secret plan which is (and since we are among friends here it can finally be revealed) to send our foes round and round in circles using the theorum of Pythagorian quintiplets, which is that general expressions are derived from the partial transition matrix of elements from any state to a final state by sub-atomic impact using these definite integrals:

which are then amalgamated by parts in spherical polar coordinates thus:

So, an approximate form of the Fadeev equations including the square-root of the hypotenuse minus the angle of the dangle after multiplying the area by four times and then extracting the circumference taking into account coupling of all intervening bond states.

Anyway, that\'s the plan. Just don\'t go blurting it out to anyone.