Nepali Times
Under My Hat
Nepal’s national synchronised swimming team


If you thought the Prime Minister is the most powerful man in Nepal, you'd better think again. The most powerful man in Nepal is not even the Commander-in-Chief. The most powerful man in Nepal is the Thai Ambassador. His Excellency has managed to do something that the rulers of this country tried but could not accomplish for the past four months: get the Maharajgunj Road paved for us by Dasain.

This incredible feat has reminded us once more how we have cleverly managed to subcontract Nepal's entire development process to friendly donor nations. And the awesome thing about it is that it doesn't cost us a cent! It's all free. Since we have given others the responsibility of building our schools and hospitals, picking up our garbage and gifting us mountain goats, we can now sit back, relax and enjoy the inflight entertainment.

We need not worry one bit: responsible people who know what they are doing are taking care of us. This frees us up for all kinds of extra-curricular activities that we otherwise would not have time for: like spending quality time in the company of our near and dear ones in the festive season, decapitating ducks, and sucking in the joys of a juicy supari in our molars.

There is a Sanskrit saying passed down from one generation of Nepalis to the next that goes something like this: rajdoot deva bhava, which roughly translated means "an ambassador is a god-send, put him to work". But one plenipotentiary from a friendly ASEAN country-however committed to Nepal's prosperity and well-being he may be-cannot have the entire burden of this valley's upkeep on his shoulders. It would be unfair on the Thais. So, His Majesty's Government is mulling over a plan to divide up the Kathmandu Valley sectorally and hand over each area to a different embassy to handle. Any Ambassador who wants to take these up should contact the Ministry of Work and Leisure after Dasain:

. The Nepal Olympic Committee has decided that Nepal has a great future in synchronised swimming, and on return from Sydney has been scouting around if any Kathmandu-based Embassy would be willing to sponsor Nepal's national synchronised swimming team. The sport would promote discipline, commonweal, and be a symbolic sport for Nepalis to show that we can surpass any hurdle--even if we are underwater, and have our noses clipped with clothespins.

. The Great Crater of Ekantakuna. This gaping cavity, through which you can see Mexico if you look carefully, needs an urgent root canal. The Swiss charge d'affaires has sent a note verbale (Latin for a message with lots of unprintable verbs in it) to the Ministry of Waste and Mismanagement to get it fixed, or else no secret bank accounts.

. The German embassy is looking into the 150-year-old garbage heap at Kalo Pul. It has a Secret Plan to transfer the rubbish from Gyaneswore to Baneswore by cover of darkness.

. His Majesty's Government wants Tribhuvan International Airport to also serve as a bird park and a dog sanctuary. The biodiversity of Nepal's only international airport needs to be protected so that it can be a model for sustainable development of the country's ecotourism. Any embassies interested?

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)