The Baddies have been getting some bad press of late for allegedly- according to some hitherto independently unconfirmed reports yet to be verified in some sections of the media-persuading fellow-Nepalis to spontaneously part with their cash out of their own free will. Let me hasten to add that these are only very preliminery reports that have not, repeat not, been cross-checked for their veracity, if any. These donations could be voluntary (and we have no reason to believe they are not) and if so, they must be part of the instructions Mr Zedong left for his proteges in his last will and testament ("Go forth and kiss their assets, but give me my cut"). However, at this present point in time, what we want to ask is this: how is this any different than what our own government and the bureaucracy have been doing since time in memoriam?

There is actually nothing new in all the give-and-take that is going on in the name of rebellion in broad daylight and in full view of the law enforcement agencies all over Nepal, even as we speak. In fact, extortion has been a national revenue-generation technique in this country ever since Manjushree was told he could not slash Chobhar Hill in two unless he first paid a royalty of $3,000 (at the prevalent Rastra Bank exchange rate) with a $50 pocket money to unconcerned authorities, and another $300 Mountain-Slashing Permit from the Department of Dollars and Cents valid for the Autumn Season and only on hills up to an elevation of 6,000 ft. Good thing Manjushree had brought along plenty of small dollar bills for just such a contingency, otherwise the Ministry of Irritation and Physical Inactivity in Singha Durbar would still be submerged under a picturesque lake.

Squeezing fellow citizens dry is a quaint Nepali custom that has been passed down from one generation of Nepalis to the next, right up to the present day female friskers at the Departure Lounge of the Tribulation International Airport. It works on the very simple socialist principle of taking from everyone according to her ability and giving to anyone according to his or her greed. What this does is it levels the playing field, spreads the wealth around and enables us, as a nation in the throes of development, to make rapid advances towards utopia. In this respect we are already way ahead of countries in the region, having slapped a fee on just about everything that a fee can be slapped on. But there is no room for complacency. We have to ask ourselves: is there a Durbar Square still untaxed, a peak still permit-less, a tourist still ungouged? The long and short answer to these questions is: you bet. Glaring revenue-generation opportunities lie untapped right under the noses of higher-up authorities, leading to colossal losses to the national exchequer. Here are some new fees and royalties we can start charging right away to increase our per capita GNP:

1. Satellite overfly rights. It has come to our notice that an Iridium communication satellite in low-earth orbit goes over Nepal every 30 minutes totally free of cost. Let's charge them for every pass over Nepali air space.
2. Arson Fee of Rs1,000 (+10%VAT) for every school bus allegedly set on fire, Rs500 for every motorcycle reportedly abducted, and Rs250 for every mobile ostensibly kidnapped. To be paid by purported perpetrators to the Dept of Taxonomy every quarter.
3. Global tender for bids (in triplicate with earnest money in attached envelope) to dam Chobhar Gorge so Kathmandu Valley will be a picturesque lake again.