As surely as night follows day (or is it the other way around?) it is now that time of year again when we celebrate the annual beauty contest season. From now till Dasain, every week is already booked with much-awaited knockout tournaments in various categories to select young men and women or body parts thereof who are most qualified to be Miss Nepal, Miss Taken or Miss Fit.

This week we have already seen the successful selection of a Miss Teen Kune with winners in the Most Photogenic, Best Hair and Thickest Dandruff categories. Competition was keen and it was a pleasure to see so many members of the unfair sex (mainly mediapersons like me) thronging the venue to get a peek at the contestants as they let their hair down.

And even before we had time to get over our hangovers, the very next day at the BICC was the eagerly-anticipated Little Prince and Princess 2005 Contest which, befitting the times, had 42 below eight-year-old contestants doing junior catwalks and taking part in the Q&A rounds in which judges asked simple off-the-cuff questions to test their intelligence, like: "What would you do if, god forbid, you were a Prince?"
Now that we have the calendar of events for the rest of the year from various organisers, it does look like it will be a busy season of pageant-hopping for us reporters who have beauty as our beat. Highlights:

Master and Miss Infant Nepal 2005
Motto: "Catch 'em young!"
Date: August 23-27
Venue: Prasuti Griha Main Auditorium, Thapathali
Criteria: Only babies who have their umbilical cords already cut are eligible. Will be required to take part in the elimination procedures, which includes the Koochi-koochi-koo Round, Crawling-Around Round, Disposable Diaper Round, Breast-feeding Round, Burping Round and the Wee-wee and Poo-poo Rounds. Judges will evaluate participants on the basis of noise, poise, odour, motor functions and response to questions in the Interview Round about which way our country is headed in the foreseeable future, if any.

Decisive Anti-Regression Street Pageant, 2062 BS
Slogan: "The Bold and the Beautiful"
Date and Time: Top Secret
Venue: Somewhere Inside the Prohibited Zone
Categories: Miss Brickbats, Most Photogenic Stone-thrower, Mr Arsonist in the Tyre-Burning Round, Mr Roving Ambassador and Plenipotentiary In-charge of Meddlesome Affairs. Political participants above 82 years of age must take part in the make-or-break Continence Round and the Party Convention's Going Round and Round in Circles Round while their optimistic political heirs can enroll for the quarterfinals of the Mr Young Turk contest.

Politically-Incorrect Miss and Mr Nepal Nomination
Credo: "We Love Our Mud and Our Motherland"
Venue: Behind-the-Scenes
Procedure: Winners will be not be selected on a merit-basis but nominated by a clique of shadowy advisers
Categories: Miss Thighland, Miss Censorship, Miss Congeniality, Miss Latent Talent, Mr & Mrs Autocracy, The Right Honourable Mr Ex-Convict, Messrs Wilful Defaulters.
Activities: All participants required to take part in a game of Musical Chairs and the Skeletons in the Closet Round after which winners will be allowed to sit for a brief period on chairs before they are unceremoniously unseated. The proceedings will conclude with the staging of a Crowning Ceremony for the Most Asinine Newspaper Columnist in the Last Fiscal Year.