The more perceptive among you will have realised by now that Nepal has at long last attained the status of a Regional Noodle Superpower. We can now say with considerable degree of certainty that no other country on earth can kick us around when it comes to noodles. Nope. In the realm of ramen, Nepal is now right up there with Japan, Korea and other East Asian tigers. It is an indication of the rapid strides we have taken in the sphere of industrialisation while preparing for our membership of the WTO that besides becoming a major exporter of zinc oxide, and one of the highest per capita producers of acrylic yarn, we are now well on our way to ensuring that Nepal can accord a Most Fed-up Nation (MFN) status to all friendly countries by the year 2003.

To keep our lead in this important area of national endeavour, it is important to be innovative and keep churning out chowchow. But there is a real danger that we will be overcome with smugness and fatalism (an unintended side-effect of the monosodium glutamate in your Miao-Miao Teriyaki-flavoured Instant Noodle pack). If we are not careful we may actually be overtaken in the manufacture and export of noodles by countries that want to get ahead through unfair trade practices like illegally dumping dumplings on unsuspecting developing countries.

That is why it is important for us to be eternally watchful so that we do not have a noodle glut, and this important export does not go the way of once-prosperous sectors like carpet, pashmina, garment, yarchagomba, and tiger bones. We must therefore, come up with a National Noodle Policy prepared by a high-level Instant Noodle Task Force to ensure that a new brand hits the shops every two days or so. There is a slight chance that we may run out of brand names, but this is a risk we have to take in order to keep our market leadership.

As any ramen aficionado will tell you, the noodle is a flexible food and there are endless permutations and combinations of what you can do with the stuff. That is why we in the business are confident that we will never run out of new noodles to spring on the nation. There is no hard-and-fast rule that noodle brands have to carry names that sound like South Pacific islands, like Bora Bora, Min Min or Wai Wai. They can take the names of places that have recently been in the news, like:

Tora Bora Noodle Crispies. Designed to be eaten Nepali-style like poleko makai bhatmas. No need to cook, and especially useful during times of acute water crisis.

Hoste-Hainse Noodles. Garnished with pulversied yarchagomba larvae in plastic sachet. May have powerful aphrodisiac side-effects, or your money back. One helping gives you a fulfilled feeling.

Ram-Ram Ramen. Absorbent granulated seasonings, comes in edible styrofoam cup, completely biodegradable in 2,000 years (the cup, I mean, not the ramen, which is non-biodegradable).

Glow Job Phosphorescent Noodles. Since they glow in the dark, you do not need nightvision equipment to eat it. Ideal nutritious fast food while in hot pursuit of baddies.

Poodle Noodle. Your dogs will also love it. Formerly marketed under the brand name Bow-wow Chow Chow.