7th January, 1977
Daily duties as usual. I pass deeply coloured urine. The quantity is normal but the colourisation is unusually deep yellow. Perhaps when patient is in deep anxiety or high tension the bodily secretion becomes abnormally coloured. The stains in the area around the armpits in my kurta are also of high colour. It is a textbook symptom of anxiety. My bowels are not moving properly, and I don't have clear motions. There is a trace of dysentery. Again the text book symptom of chronic colitis.
Today towards the afternoon I had bleeding from the right nostril. It is not regular bleeding, but when I blew traces of blood were found in my kerchief. Nothing serious because it may have been caused by excessive dryness which is also affecting the right side of my throat. But why only right nostril and right side of the throat is affected by dry weather? A fleeting anxiety about my throat.
At the afternoon tea, we discussed-GM and I-about my family's financial position. I told him that my constant worry in prison will be how they would meet the daily expenses and the financial responsibility of educating children. I couldn't in haste tell Sushila to sell property and ornaments to meet the expenses of children's education. After all, Sushila and myself can't expect to live beyond 10 years. Munu's [Shashank Koirala] and Chetna's education will last five years, Maneesha's [Manisha Koirala] responsibility as well as Prakash's so far as we are concerned, should not be carried beyond three more years. Sriharsha should be provided with some money so that he could be mentally at ease when he would now be seeking an opening. All in all, we would need Rs 200,000. Our Biratnagar property-my share-to fetch more than this amount. If only Sushila or Prakash or Sriharsha were practical, there should be no financial difficulties for them.
I bathed today. It was a very short bath, but it was a bath all right. I put my head and then my entire body under the running tap. Painfully cold water. I had taken a regular bath with soap and lot of water on 25 December in Patna-i.e. 12 days ago. In Sundarijal, I only rubbed my body with a wet towel. Today the cold water bath was a very refreshing experience-physically and it was morally uplifting also. Morally, because the operation involves a courageous decision and action.