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26th January

Sundarijal: The day broke with a bright sunshine-when I went out of my room after finishing my daily morning duties, I found the entire scene bathed in a yellow light. Everything in nature stood out in clear outline and for a while I stood viewing the enchanting spectacle. I felt a surge of happiness, which was akin to spiritualism-a sense of being uplifted. I thought if the days were like this, I would have no difficulty in passing my time in detention. I read for sometime in the sun as I do usually with a tranquil mood. Then did some washing-a lot of laundry had collected-which filled my whole morning. Then hurriedly went though the process of a bath-by which time the lunch arrived. Wind blew throughout the whole day giving the atmosphere a tinge of the spring. The real spring has to arrive yet, but as advance has, as if, been made. After lunch, however, I felt a little homesick, remembering Sushila. Lazying (sic) in bed I thought of her. In today's mood, I even conceived that she would soon come to Kathmandu to seek permission to interview me. Girija will certainly want her to make efforts to see me.

Read in the newspaper that some of those who had been arrested recently in Kathmandu in connection with our arrival here, like PL, Shambhu Rijal, Dama etc, had been released. Among those released yesterday included Marshal Zulun and Purushathan Basnet who had been in prison for long time as security detainees. GM thinks that this is a sign of relaxation and that this development was on expected lives.

In the afternoon just before tea we take some apples and oranges. Today there was no orange-hence we took only an apple.

Towards the evening the weather became a little rough with a strong westerly. Went to bed at about 9PM. Read very little.

27th January

Sundarijal: A Dentist came and extracted GM's tooth. He examined my teeth and said that one of the fillings had come off. It will have to be filled. He will come for it next time. He has asked me to use Surogam(?) toothpaste as it neutralises acid reaction in the mouth, which is responsible for my teeth trouble. We were informed by the Major that there would be no provision for a Dhobi to do our washing, since no Dhobi is available. The order that he has received is that he should provide a Dhobi for us (to be paid from our food allowance) which he can't do. Indirectly the suggestion is that we should do our own washing. As a matter of fact we have been doing it since we came here. Only once I sent my laundry home. I did a lot of washing yesterday itself. The problem is the water is hard and ice cold.

The day again became cold, belying the expectation from yesterday's weather that the spring weather would now continue. Yesterday spring weather was a freak happening. I yearn for warm weather. I yearn for so many things in prison.

In the evening when we enquired about my tobacco which has not yet been delivered to me, although it was deposited at the gate five days ago, the officer told us that perhaps it would not be delivered to me. No smoking in prison. We has asked the officials to ask out people to send us tobacco. Since they don't want that contact of any kind should be established with our people outside, they are preventing me from putting tobacco or cigar from outside. Therefore the rule has been established for this jail that no smoking would be permitted. For the same reason we can't send out clothes for washing. They want to keep is totally cut off from the outside world particularly from our people.

28th January

Sundarijal: Hari the officer told us, by the way, that our people have been instructed not to bring anything meant for us at the jail gate, because they have no orders to receive it on our behalf. Everything to be delivered to us has got to go to army HQ which will forward it to them here to be handed over to us. It was because of this new rule that our people have not appeared at the jail gate. About books, the officer said, again, by the way, that they ie the bosses high up at the HQ were discussing as to the feasibility of arranging with the libraries here for the supply of books to us. The arrangement would be made by the HQ, if the school is approved of. This is a way to oust our people from this field also. A strict isolation. How long will it last. This isolation is very trying. GM thinks that this can't continue for long. This isolation is affecting our health. GM is looking haggard, although he says he is perfectly all right.

Did a lot of washing which took me more than 90 minutes. Didn't bathe. Remembered Sushila and became homesick. After lunch the memory of Sushila assails me and I become sad and homesick. Remembered Shailaja for sometime in the afternoon I became very soft mentally, and feel that everything is lost. I can't account for this psychological infirmity. Towards the evening I become all right.

Last night I didn't have a good sleep. There is a constant buzzing sensation in my head; sometimes I get giddiness also. My nose bleeds. There is also a sensation of a bell ringing in my ears, and the heartbeat throbs in my ear. At night my left hand becomes numb occasionally. These are not very good symptoms. Last night I woke up with a sensation of tingling in my head and my nose also bled. Perhaps I couldn't sleep. I became a little anxious at night. Nights are, if you don't sleep, become terrible and they promote unhealthy thoughts and black pessimism.

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)