The quest for human perfection is as old as humanity itself. Ever since our early cave-dwelling ancestors discovered that squeezing prehistoric blackheads was not just a delightful way to pass the time, but also resulted in a youthful and unblemished look, mankind has shown that as a species it likes to keep itself well-groomed.

And thank god for that. If we didn't care about our outward appearance, we would still be wild, armpit-reeking hunter-gatherers moving in large herds from home to office and back everyday. This is why we are all excited about the fact that after its roaring success in Singapore, the 100% Natural Botanical Bust Enhancement System is being introduced in Nepal for the first time to address the concerns of mammary-challenged commuters of voting age and above.

(We'll be right back after these messages: "Sag No More! Call us for a free trial. No Pills. No Surgery. No Injections. No Side-effects. Seeing is Believing.")
There are already hundreds of happy customers, and we recently interviewed one of them: "I was always dissatisfied with my chest, but after I tried 100% Botanical Bust Enhancement, I got great boobs. Even my wife said the result is good."

And that is not all, the beauty industry is now aiming below the belt. A drug that was developed to reduce muscle spasms has been found to have anti-cellulite properties, and has just been given approval by the Food and Hard Drugs Division in Nepal. (Advertorial: "Inject Botox into your buttocks and get rid of ugly wrinkles fast.") Elsewhere in the metropolis, partyless election candidates who think their Barbara Streisand noses are a political liability are having them re-carved into sleek nostrils resembling the proboscis of a certain Michael Jackson.

So, you see, we don't have to wait anymore for evolution to give us a body we are proud to call our own. With the new technologies at our disposal, we can take destiny into our own hands and metamorphose into anyone we would like to be. Which brings us to some of the plastic surgery options now available in Nepal for those who want a total remake of their physical infrastructure:

. Keep Up With the Arms Race. Two hands are not enough to efficiently carry out underhand deals. Install two extra arms to your thorax region so that you can rake it in faster, since time is of the essence. Extra fingers and greasy palms optional.

. Tummy Augmentation. Tired of being kicked around? Add bulk and fullness to your frame with a special Size 40 Silicon Tyre Implant in your abdomen. Be the envy of your peers, let your belly spill out of your belt. Give yourself that Prosperous Civil Servant Silhouette that so many of us crave.

. Brain Enlargement. With new laser surgery it is now possible to expand the average cranium and graft brain tissue implants from donors. Money back guarantee if you aren't visibly smarter in 30 days, and free blackhead removal for all public officials availing of this promo.