Nepali Times
Under My Hat
News we can’t use


Even though it is our duty as journos to bring events of national importance to our esteemed readers' notice as soon as they happen on a regular basis, the Dasai break means that many perfectly good news items will have to be discarded into the trash heap of history. But due to popular demand, we have decided to resurrect some of them to fulfil our mandate to keep the public informed without fear or favour so that the ugly truth shall prevail.

Nepal to have a wet port
By Our Maritime Correspondent
Birganj - After the grand success of finally getting Nepal's one and only dry port off and running, the government is about to sign an agreement to set up a wet port in the near future even though, as far as we know, the country is not blessed yet with a coastline. "This is a slight unforeseen hitch," His Majesty's Government's Minister of Shipping and Oceonography told us. "But we can overcome it by requesting our southern neighbour to permanently submerge our border areas."

News that Nepal would no more be landlocked was greeted with enthusiasm by the business community which saw great potential to promote beach tourism in Nepal, besides trekking and mountaineering.

Computers hit by Red Eye Virus
IT Section
Kathmandu - Computers throughout Kathmandu Valley have been hit by a serious virus attack which is believed to have jumped the species barrier from humans and invaded all computers that run on the Microsoft Windows operating system.

Experts at the Symantec Virology and Immunology Lab at Palo Alto, California said the Red Eye worm which started as a prank has now spread across the world. Symantec has a Ciprofloxacin eye patch, available at all pharmacies at inflated prices, that must be applied to the infected part of the CRT monitor twice a day. Microsoft's Bill Gates, wearing protective dark shades, told reporters in Seattle yesterday: "I feel bad about it, but it is the users' fault for not upgrading in time to my Windows 20/20."

All cars have to remove roofs
Kathmandu - In an effort to further enhance security, the Valley police has asked all vehicle owners to remove the roofs from their cars to make it easier for them to identify passengers at the capital's numerous security check points. Thousands of motorists thronged the Valley's garages on Thursday to get their roofs cut out with oxyacetelene torches, and turn their sedans into convertibles.

"I like the wind in my hair," said one motorist, whose delight was sort-lived when police at Bagmati Bridge told her helmets were now mandatory for occupants of cars without roofs. "We are doing it for passenger safety," police said. "Car owners can take their helmets off when they put the roofs back on their cars after Friday."

Ambassador-at-Large in NY
New York (CNN) - Nepal's new Ambassador-at-Large today told the United National General Assembly that Nepal was willing to offer its blue helmet troops to the United Nations to restore peace in his own country.
Addressing the world body, the ambassador reminded the international community that Nepali troops had amassed a wealth of experience in peacekeeping in Lebanon and Sierra Leone and would be most suitable for deployment in Nepal's war zones because "we know the terrain better than the Fijians".

Yeti Exists: Expedition
By an Abominable Reporter
Jomsom - A group of Nepali primatologists said today they had found indisputable proof that the yeti indeed exists. After three years extensively scouring the worldwide web through several search engines, the scientists said they had found at least 315,000 intercepts of yetis on Google alone. "When we did an image search, we found another 6,600 yetis on Ask Jeeves," the researchers told a press conference today. "It is a myth that the yeti does not exist." Several yetis who were approached for comment via email refused to confirm or deny their existence.

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)