BY OUR EXTRA-SPECIAL CORRESPONDENT
KUALA LUMPUR - The richest leaders of the world's poorest countries wrapped up a multi-million dollar summit in the Malaysian capital Tuesday after passing a resolution in which they promised hereinafter to remember to send telegraphic greetings to each other during their respective National Days.
Members of the Re-aligned Movement (RAM) unanimously approved a proposal tabled by the delegation from the Kingdom of Nepal (and seconded by the Kingdom of Tonga) expressing concern that some heads-of-state were getting too big for their boots and were not returning greetings sent by smaller countries.
"Sending these telegrams is an internationally accepted norm of civilised behaviour between nations, and failure to do so could jeopardise world peace," a visibly upset head of the Nepali delegation told a packed press meet. "We send greetings to every single head of state in the world every year wishing them personal happiness and progress on their National Day, but only a handful of them reciprocate the gesture on our National Day. If they think that we are going to take this lying down, they are mistaken. We are going to take this sitting up."
In an ominous move, Nepal said its germs were so far deployed in peaceful civilian use for water-borne gastric infections, but warned: "We can easily covert this into a transboundary germ warfare program if the big countries refuse to greet us on our National Day."
News that Nepal may be engaged in clandestinely developing biological weapons of mass destruction spread through the corridors of the Re-aligned Summit, and even made it to the News Bar on CNN. After that, presidents, prime ministers, sheikhs, potentates, despots and junta leaders from all 115 re-aligned members voted "yes" on the resolution, with two abstentions.
In other developments in the sidelines of the summit, the Re-aligned Movement finally managed to broker a solution to the Kashmir Dispute. Members leaned on India and Pakistan on an annual rotation of sovereignty over Kashmir. Under the arrangement, India will possess the Himalayan state during odd years, and Pakistan during even years. The negotiations nearly broke down when a heated dispute erupted between Islamabad and New Delhi over which side should be allocated even years since the country that got the Leap Year could keep Kashmir for one more day.
A nuke exchange was averted as the two reached a compromise to divide 29 February into two 12-hour segments. The whole process will be enforced by international monitors with digital stopwatches. Despite this landmark settlement, leaders of India and Pakistan steadfastly refused to hold hands in public for the duration of the summit.
In their final communique, re-aligned nations agreed they would not attack, annex, invade or force a regime change in any other state without first saying "please".
