Nepali Times
Under My Hat
Two wheels good, four wheels bad


Like most other freedom-loving Nepalis, this scribe and other like-minded pharisees were busy last week voluntarily and totally out of our own free will observing a three day pen-down strike which thankfully enabled me to wriggle out of writing this column. (Ha! Fooled you into thinking I'd emigrated to New Zealand, didn't I?)

For this, we owe a debt of gratitude to the Organisers. Let's hear a round of applause, ladies and gentlemen, for the Organisers.

So, instead of sitting around uselessly trying to bring out a newspaper, we zoomed around the empty streets in motorcycles with license plates covered by signs that said: "Off To My In-laws To Feast On Poleko Masu And Beer And Play Marriage For Three Straight Days, And If You Have Any Problems With That, Well, You Can Go Stuff It." Or words to that effect.

This is the beauty of living in a democracy: we can get away with saying anything ridiculous that comes to our minds, even if it makes absolutely no sense at all. And everyone has a fundamental right to declare a three-day national holiday just for the heck of it, and as a carefree and freedom-loving people there is nothing we like better than to actually have to do no work.

But, we must remind readers that democracy is facing grave threats. There are forces right here amidst us who wanted to take away our basic human right to go around the city using improvised explosive devices to blow up garbage dumps every morning. That is why we at the weekly Red Corpuscle (motto: "The pen is mightier than the penknife.") approached Comrade Carbuncle for an interview so he could elucidate on some of the finer points of the forthcoming indefinite holiday season.

Q: Mr Comrade, sir, you have said that last week's three-day holiday was a grand success. Would you care to elaborate?
A: First of all, let me use this opportunity to thank
the Red Corpuscle for giving me a chance to hold forth on the party line, and also greet all readers on the 88th anniversary of the Great October Proletarian Revolution. What was the question, again?
Q: Never mind, what exactly are the rules of a bunned?
A: It's very simple: two wheels good, four wheels bad.
Q: How about three wheels?
A: Both good and bad. Anything that has three wheels, and has wings is OK. Everything else
is not OK.
Q: How about rollerblades?
A: Only if you are wearing a helmet and elbow guards.
Q: I see. And is it all right to only half-open a shop?
A: That's right, you can let customers come in through
the back door, or keep the shutter half open. Just
don't push it all the way up.
Q: And can I take a sick relative to the hospital on a mobike?
A: Sure. Just cover your license plate with a sign that says you are going to your in laws to feast on poleko masu and beer and play marriage indefinitely, and don't let the cops catch you.
Q: Thank you, Comrade Carbuncle, and have
a nice future.
A: You too.

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)