Dear Sir:
I don't know why I am addressing you as 'sir' when I know it for a fact that you have never been knighted by the queen. You could also not be a sir at all, but a madam, in which case, I beg your pardon. But let's presume for a moment for the sake of argument that you are indeed a male knight. Even then, I have strong reservations about addressing you with such an honorific title because I am writing to complain about your work, you lousy piece of $%#&*! How come all the news you print is negative? How come you have nothing nice to say about anybody? How come you give the impression that the sky is about to fall? Unless you start printing good news with immediate effect, I am personally going to see to it that you are awarded a medal and given a public felicitation.
Yours etc,
Name withheld to protect exact identity of anonymous writer
All right, you asked for it. We will now take this small commercial break to carry some items of really good news:
No Need To Panic: Govt
The government has assured citizens that although all major cities are being blockaded, basic necessities have disappeared from shelves and long-distance buses are being blown up by roadside bombs, there is no need to panic, reports RSS.
"We have everything under control," the government spokesperson, who is also Minister of Health and Hygiene told mediapersons, "there is no reason for alarm right now, we will let you know when it is time to panic." The public seemed reassured by the good news and immediately started hoarding potatoes and sugar.
501-Member Committee Formed
POKHARA-A 501-member committee has been formed in Pokhara to organise a public felicitation ceremony next week. Exactly who is being felicitated is being kept a closely guarded secret and highly placed sources said on condition of anonymity that the identity was not being disclosed because it was supposed to be a surprise for the chief guest. "We don't want to spoil the fun, but there are no prizes for guessing who it is," the source said.
Govt Finishes Its Homework
His Majesty's Government, which was accused by political parties of not doing its homework on time, has finished its homework. "We can proudly say we have now completed our homework," said the Minister of Home, Works and Transport,"it is the office work that is giving us problems."
Political Parties Still At It
At a mock-parliament on Thursday, leaders of the five-party alliance expressed alarm that the Maoists were getting ahead in the race to bring the country to standstill, and decided to step up their own efforts to bring the country to a grinding halt. Party spokesman Madup Nepal said: "We know that country is already at a standstill. That makes our job a lot easier."
Banda Rumours Confirmed Rumours that Friday may be a banda has been greeted with much jubilation in non-governmental sectors through email group postings. Police sources confirmed the rumours, saying: "Yes, at this point we can confirm there are rumours about a banda." No one, not even the organisers, were aware that they had called a banda. But non-governmental organisations were undeterred, saying in a statement: "We will make the banda a success even if it hasn't actually been called."
