Nepali Times
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27 March, 1977
[page contains entry from 10 April]

28 March, 1977
It is amazing how one adjusts to any situation-if you imagine the kind of desolation I am left in, that segregation since Friday when GM was taken away from here, total solitariness without books and newspapers (incidentally, I haven't received even the local papers supplied to us since today) you would think that the situation is impossible. But as I live under such condition, and live more or less without added anxiety, every situation however adverse is bearable and possible. What is surprising is that I have since the commencement of the solitary confinement become less anxious and mentally [less] disturbed. So far as psychological torture is concerned the govt has gone to the farthest limit. Of course . normal food is the last need to be supplied to us, although there has been considerable deterioration in the quality of food supplied to us-which is perhaps not intentional and may be due to the mismanagement of the local officers of the camp. If they think that I will break down by the application of such psychological pressure they are grievously mistaken. This may again be not intentional-this new condition of solitary confinement-only unimaginative policy of getting facts from us separately and then compare them for veracity. They don't understand because of their insensitive psychology that the method they have chosen to apply to us is . extreme form of psychological torture. In effect has been the very opposite to this purpose. It has all more strengthened us psychologically.

In such a situation, it is very difficult, so difficult as to be only short of impossible, what I do is that I sleep. I had thought before that this capacity for infinite slumber had left me but no, I still have that capacity. I go to bed a little before 8 pm and leave the bed in the morning a little before 7 pm. It is not that I get sound sleep the whole time, but it is sleep all right-at least cessation of mental activities. In the afternoon, too, after lunch I lie down and try to get sleep for at least ? hour which I do get. Since GM's departure I have to do many chores, like washing the dishes three times a day, preparing tea two times day. I try to keep the dining table and room clean-GM was particular about cleanliess in his own way. I want to be in my own way. Then I have another capacity which stands me in good stead in such situations-I lapse into reverie and start day dreaming I also indulge in fantasies and also in mental abstraction-which operation takes some of my time. My practice used to be to count numbers-and repeat them over and over again, then I thought such counting of soulless units could be improved upon by mentally uttering the names of dear people over and over again repeteadly then it has .. me that I can repeat some mantras mentally to kill time. Writing is not part of this operation, writing being an exercise of mind, whereas what one needs is . repetitive operation with mind put in hibernation.

29 March
[contains entry from 31 March]

30 March
Exactly three months ago we landed in Kathmandu to be promptly put under arrest and lodged in the military detention camp. This was expected, I had told the people in India that most likely we would be kept incommunicado for three months, and thereafter condition of detention would be relaxed as even still better development of political nature would take place. But now it appears that we are in for a long detention, they have imposed fresh restraints and now since five days I am in solitary confinement. I told the camp commander Major it appeared the country was being ruled by small unimaginative men. What is most exasperating is that security guards have been reinforced. The new jail which was speedily constructed in record time working day and night for GM is fortified with high walls topped with naked electric wires that it appears that it was they, ie the army and police by their efforts could apprehend us with extreme difficulty. This elaborate and maximum security arrangement is amazing in the first place, as if the army, lazy and unused to its normal responsibility and suffering from some kind of ennui, suddenly woke up to a martial look which it wants to exact with elaborate care-partly as a relief to boredom and aware of its uselessness, and partly belated fulfilment of its martial responsibility. The ruler is unimaginative and the instrument of his authority, ie the army a bored organisation which need such occasional sharpening of its blades lest they are blunted through rest-this combination of unimaginativeness and ennui is extremely dangerous in a political authority.

From the enclosure of the compound of GM's new prison, I think it has a walled courtyard of the size of a middle class house on the northern side of which is a verandah leading to his cell and bathroom. The living space for him is too narrow and if he has to live in that jail for long it will be a great hardship for him as he needs an extensive area to do his constitutional walking morning and evening. Although his jail is adjacent to mine, both jail gates are about three yards apart and part of the security arrangement is common, There are two sets of persons looking after two of us and one set meant for one jail can't go to the other jail, This is a perhaps to prevent any possible communication between us. All this shows that the king has decided not to deal with us politically.

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)