Having been appointed Special Envoy to Nepal, Sir William Shakespeare has been making frequent trips to Kathmandu to help us figure out whether the drama unfolding here is a tragedy or comedy. With his vast literary skills and his first-hand experience in writing about intrigue and conspiracy at the highest levels of government in post-democracy England for the last 500 years, Sir William is the right man for the job. We caught up with him for a breakfast meeting at one of the local hotels for an exclusive interview:

Alarums. Enter Waiter.]
Sir William. Hark, thou knave, wherefore be'th our cheese omelette and OJ?
Waiter. It is still being cooketh, m'lord, gird up thy loins for it shall arrive anon.
Sir William. Have you no wit, no manners, no honesty, but to gabble like tinkers so early in the morn?
Waiter. Wait. Methought this was supposed to be a newspaper interview. [To Reporter] Why don't you ask him some questions and shut him up?
Reporter. Yes. Sir William, as the world's most noted bard, what is your take on the power struggle here?
Sir William. It does remind me of my friends, the Romans and countrymen.
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff,
Yet they say they are ambitious
And they are all honourable men,
Yond Cassius, for instance, with his long nose and pantaloons, has a lean and hungry look,
He thinks too much, such men are dangerous.
As seemeth by his plight, of the revolt the newest state,
What bloody man is that?
Reporter. Speaking of blood, how do you view the current cessation of hostilities?
Sir William. Albeit the quality of time and quarrel
Have given us bloody argument.
Pox on't. How dost thou, man,
Belike you slew a great number of your people?
The offence is not of such a bloody nature.
A rascal, and eater of broken meats,
worsted-stocking knave, one-trunk-inheriting slave,
shag ear'd villain. Thou art the best of the cut-throats.
Avaunt and quit my sight!
My masters, are you mad? Or what are you?
Reporter. Right. How do you respond to allegations that a Foreign Hand is active in the kingdom?
Sir William. Foul whisperings are abroad,
Unnatural deeds do breed unnatural troubles bring.
Is this a hand I see before me?
I have thee not, yet I see thee still.
Art thou but a false creation?
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?
Out, out, damn spot.
Reporter. What are your thoughts on the fifth and decisive phase of the anti-regression street protests?
Sir William. Drive away the vulgar from the streets.
Let's carve him as a dish fit for the gods,
Not hew him as a carcass fit for hounds.
And let our hearts as subtle masters do,
Stir up their servants to an act of rage.
What we took from them, for traffic's sake
Most of the city did.
Reporter. Before I bid thee adieu, any personal observations on Beckham being sold to Real Madrid?
Sir William. Wherefore art thou, traitor?
Et tu, Beckham? Then fall, England.
[Exit all. Curtains.]