While every effort is made to verify the accuracy of news items printed in this paper, being humans, we journalists sometimes err on the side of caution and make things up. Let he who doesn't fall into that temptation cast the first stone.
In most countries, including yours truly, the constitution allows journos to get away with the most outrageous things just because our founding grandfathers in their wisdom thought there was a slim chance that in four years we may actually get something right. This being Nepal, scribes opine all the time and, yes, sometimes they even manage to tell the truth.
Be that as it may, there are many pitfalls and potholes on the road to a free and responsible media, and we have fallen into every one of them. Luckily, we have emerged with our pride intact and can hold our heads high as the custodians of the fourth real estate. After all, politicians and journalists have a symbiotic relationship, which means they scratch our back and we scratch ours. It's win-win: heads we win tails they lose.
And with that brief preamble, we can now get into the bit that our valued clients have been eagerly waiting for, which is the section containing items of news that didn't make it to the national press because our alert fact checkers found that they were politically incorrect:
Nepal breaks another world record
BY OUR SPORTY REPORTER
Kathmandu -With the Olympics only two months away, Nepal has set a new world record as the first country in history to do without a government for ever so long.
Nepal won the marathon non-government endurance event by clipping a week off the previous record-holder Nauru, which has had no government to speak of since the Pacific atoll nation ran out of guano. It was a proud moment for Nepal as the double triangle was raised to the tune of the national anathema.
"It just shows that we don't need government or a cabinet, they are an unnecessary expenditure and we can do perfectly all right without them," said Nepal's incoming prime minister Sher Bahadur Chand, err sorry, Lokendra Bahadur Thapa, nope, Surya Bahadur Deuba.
Sorry, we seem to be having technical difficulties with that visual. Meanwhile, in other developments, the prime minister today launched a new beer, Royal Challenge, amidst a function at the BICC and said, this is an exact quote: "Hic!"
He added that the appropriately named beverage provided Nepalis yet another international quality brew to drown their sorrows in.
Wife eats husband
Sarlahi - Unable to resist the delectable charms of her husband, a housewife in this district has set off a new culinary trend by eating him up, reports RSS.
Police said they started getting suspicious when they could not trace the whereabouts of the husband, and detected a foul smell in the kitchen. Up to here, this news item is 100% true.
Nutritionists said most Nepali women suffer from low haemoglobin counts and eating their better halves was a good way for them to kill two birds with one stone. By dining on lazy husbands instead of with them, the National Institute of Demography said, wives would not only be getting much-needed nourishment but would also balance out Nepal's skewed male:female ratio. "It's a win-win situation," said one official.
