Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Prime Minister eats a rat

ASS


If you are reading this on Friday morning it means the world didn't end after all, so you can all go back to clipping your toe-nails. But wait, we have some breaking news. The Mayan calendar runs on Eastern Daylight Saving Time which means Armageddon is actually 9AM Nepal time on Saturday. Good, Baburam has another day in office.

Kings have been known to eat crow. Paranoid presidents sometimes smell a rat. But ours is the only country in the world where a prime minister actually eats a rat. This must belong somewhere in the Guinness Book together with the King of Lesotho and his 13 wives who once served barbequed boa during a state banquet.

Now that Lord Ram is on shaky grounds, may we make a humble suggestion that he not stray too far afield during his once-a-month sleep-in with the huddled masses? The country can't afford these junkets anymore. How about just driving down from Baluwatar on recently-widened streets and spend the night in one of the shacks under Bagmati Bridge at Kopundole? Saves tax payer's money and clears the sinus.

***

Can't say the Ass didn't warn you six months ago that BRB was stuck to his chair with superglue and PKD can't make his comrade-in-arms budge. The two had a shouting match the other night at the Lajimpat Villa after Red Flag sabotaged Lotus Flower's carefully-laid plans to replace the prime minister with Jhusil Kaka. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to both, Gutch has hatched a plan to sneak into Baluwatar through the backdoor, and is using his aboriginal credentials to lobby for himself. The only regret about Jhusil not becoming pradhan monkey is that we were all looking forward to him breaking into a patriotic song after his swearing in.

In private conversations with Jhol Gnat and Makunay, PKD has been pouring out his woes and blaming "The South" for sabotaging his plan. As Awesome sees it, he has bent over backwards to kowtow to the DilliDarbar, and they still don't trust him. As a result, Ferocious is looking more and more like a maneater that has lost its fangs. Both BRB and PKD are rolling up their sleeves for a major kickboxing bout during the party's convention next month. The real power struggle is not between the political farties, but between these two bahun comrades.

***

So it looks like Dhrube the rogue elephant has been machine gunned to death in Chitwan. Interesting that the citizens of Madi closed down Chitwan demanding that Dhrube be executed for killing two people, when the human killers of 36 bus passengers in 2005 are roaming free in the home of the brave. Good thing the grovelment declared Dhrube's victims martyrs, it sets the precedence for others like the guy who nearly self-immolated himself driving a motorcycle through a tunnel of fire to be declared a semi-martyr. The best news is that if the world does end on Saturday as scheduled, we can all claim martyrdom compensation.



1. Arse
Ha! Ha! Ha! Never laughed so hard. "Political farties".

2. Sharanhari Dukulanthak
Common the "fevicol bottom" guy is is no lord Ram, he is "kiddo" Ram! Both he and his mentor cum tormentor Kaamred Chhuchhundro are almost fag end of their glorious innings! But do not celebrate yet, once they are pushed out from the pedestal they will join the glorious gang of  "bhoopoos" like Chher Bahadur, Maakunne, Jhol Nath, Sun Bahadur, Moon Bahadur etc,. and nation will continue to suffer from their unsolicited service until they are on the Aryaghat pyre!  


3. Cat
Waiting when this SOB will eat dust ,not rat.


4. DG
Lesotho or Swaziland ?


5. BC
The Prime Minister should eat pariah dogs, as he has the character of a chandal( in Nepali),which  also means dog-eater.He can then make Kathmandu cleaner as all dog qwners in the city take their dogs out for passing the stool out.or emptying their bowels.They don,t have to clean the droppings with plastic gloves as 9in the western countries.



6. Saroj
The rat eating prime minister is Vidkun  Abrahm Luitz  Jonsson  Quisling , a Lutheran of Norway, incarnate.  The best title for him should be Quisling of Nepal for his loyalty and services for the south and his friendship  with the intelligence agencies..


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LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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