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1. Jhusil Da is PM and we all die of boredom
2. BRB continues as PM for life
3. President extends deadline for formation of consensus govt till December 31, 2022
4. PKD outfoxes BRB and makes himself PM
5. BRB outfoxes PKD and makes Yummy PM
6. We resurrect the monarchy and restore the Malla dynasty
7. Subcontract the country to LKY or GMR
8. Make Padam Kunwar a benevolent dictator of
the proletariat
9. Prez appoints an Ass as
prime minister
10. The world is ending next week, so who gives a fig?
***
Everyone blames the political stalemate on disagreement over a consensus gowerment. The real reason is the upcoming general assemblage of the Unified-but-Divided Maobaddie party next month and the struggle for control between Lotus Flower and Red Flag. Signs of this have been apparent for some time, but it has now manifested itself in fist fights where PKD goons are giving BRB goons bloody noses and vice versa. It used to be the Dash Baddies and the Cash Baddies who were at each other's throats, but Bash Baddies have also joined the fray. There is a tug-o-war to woo senior comrades, and PKD seems far ahead with the combined war chests of Messrs Mahara, Postman, Ugly, and Prabhakaran who between them control telecom, illegal sand and boulder mining, and have a monopoly on bulldozer rentals. For his part, BRB has wooed over Artha Man Pun and the two of them wield absolute control over state coffers.
***
With all their energy expended on the coming showdown in January, Unserer Fuhrer is keeping everyone confused by pushing a new candidate for PM everyday. On Sunday he tells the president to call for a consensus government, on Monday he tells BRB to confront the president, on Tuesday he informs the Kangresis that Jhusil Da has his blessings, on Wednesday he puts forward Comrade Cloudy as his preferred candidate, on Thursday he presses eh-Maleys not to agree to Jhusil, on Friday he tells Gutch there must be a Madhesi PM, and on Saturday he says maybe there should be a civil society prime minister.The multi-tongued Chairman's gameplan is to allow BRB to continue until the convention and then swiftly move to make himself the next prime minister. He would then run circles around everyone so there would be no elections in May. But just as PKD is determined to take over, BRB is equally determined not to let go. The wily Comrade Chairman seems to have hoisted himself by his own petard but is convinced that ultimately money can buy him love.
Deputy PM and Firanghi Minister Kaji Naran Kamred has now decided his future lies in hanging on to the Chairman's coat-tails. After giving donor agencies and INGOs a hard time on aid policy and registration, he has now trained his sights on the prime minister and president, accusing them of hobnobbing with foreign ambassadors and alien visitors without his permission. In a long tirade last week, he said he was so sick of his boss not listening to him that he is tempted to retire from politics and go seek nirvana. No one really believes Kaji wants to go to Kasi, and the real reason for NKS' emotional outburst seems to be the fact that he wasn't invited to the bash in honour of visiting King of Kashmir thrown by Lord of the Animals at Bijaybas.
***
No sooner did we see our ambassador in Brasilia in flagrante on FB cavorting with a luscious Brazilian lawyer than the tabloids have been full of rumours of Comrade Top Man being treated to a special screening of Talash in the arms of geishas. Eye-witnesses said they found the Gas Minister's moves more entertaining than the on-screen drama.
