By now, it is pretty clear that the current deadlock is not over anything to do with the constitution but about who gets to be in power at election time. So far so good. Nothing unusual there. It's part of a politician's job description that he wants to be Top Dog. The problem arises when one of them wants to be Only Dog.

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Democracy, as they say, is all about everyone having equal rights to screw things up. The disagreement at all-party meetings about who gets to sit on the high chair shows that everyone takes democracy seriously in this country. After the splits in the Baddies and Maddies, there are now so many top leaders during party pow-wows that there aren't enough executive chairs to go around around the conference table. So the admin staff brings in extra stools from other offices. Trouble is, not all of them are the same height which makes some leaders look shorter than others. After Prime Minister BRB noticed on the evening tv news how he was dwarfed by Chairman PKD, he got the PMO to add a few cushions to his chair. PKD didn't mind, but when Ex-PM Makuney saw that, he blew a gasket. MKN apparently has had a bit of a complex about his stature ever since the Lilliputian snapshot of himself standing next to Barack and Michelle in 2009. So, guess what, Makuney refuses to attend the meeting until the cushions were removed from under the Prime Minister. Our leaders are always making asses (ahem) of themselves, and don't seem to mind if people find out that they are intellectually-challenged. But they take umbrage at being seen as vertically-challenged.

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Cinemas across Nepal have had to close as the Badder Baddie campaign against Hindi films gathers momentum. Rumour has it this is Comrade CP's ploy to bring Tamil movies with their dance sequences of gyrating pelvises that he got addicted to watching while serving time in Chennai for travelling on a forged passport. The Ass' prediction is that Hindi will be unbanned and the cinemas will open for the festival as soon as the Hyphen Party's coffers are topped up. The ban on Indian vehicles also hit a snag after a tabloid revealed that Comrades CP, Cloudy, Pumpa, Hitman, Big Plop, and other hyphenated commies all drive stolen Indian Scorpios.

Quote of the Week is Comrade Big Flop telling reporters the other day at The Club: "The ban on Indian cars will improve bilateral relations between India and Nepal."

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What's this we hear about the road widening project grinding to a halt at Dilli Bazar because the First Lady's maiti lodged a complaint? Does this mean Comrade Hasiya is working at cross purposes with Comrade Hatauda, the hubby first gentleman? And another erstwhile Also-First Lady has raised objections as well about the road-widening at Ekantakuna and has pulled strings to limit the demolition so it doesn't encroach into ancestral property. Meanwhile, one embassy still refuses to budge, leaving Comrade Sthapit with no recourse but to send his bulldozers to work around the Great Wall of China.

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Nepal has adopted a laissez-faire policy when it comes to granting drivers' and pilots' licences. A visually impaired man actually managed to buy a heavy vehicle licence some time ago, and from what we hear the going rate for getting through the written exam now is five grand, and they'll even give you a receipt. Turning to civil aviation, there is a similar state of affairs at CAAN for the written exam to get one's pilot's licence endorsed. The results of a recent written test were scrapped after the nephew of the Great Helmsman himself and a relative of a disgruntled UML leader, both flunked the test. The two however passed the re-exam after being fed the questions beforehand, and now have jobs flying for a domestic airline that shall remain nameless because they advertise with us. The others who passed the first time don't have jobs yet.

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When money collected from those who failed breathalyzer tests started disappearing, Traffic Police came up with an ingenious incentive scheme. Cops testing drivers for alcohol now get to take home 15% of all fines, and the money has to be paid at Global Bank and drivers have to produce the receipt the next day to sit for a self-improvement class and get their licences back. Smart move. Maybe we can also go high-tech with kickbacks and bribe payments now, and make all under-the-table transactions electronic.