Nepali Times
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Furniture you can live in (if you are a termite)
The top leadership of the parties have all given up on having a full-fledged constitution by May. At least they agree on something. Is this is why everyone is so relaxed during the meetings of senior leaders? The loud banter and raucous laughter can be heard right down the hall. One particular tripartite meeting last week of top notch leaders of the three main parties was even more boisterous than usual. The Mule's mole, who was a fly on the wall, said the leaders put the decision on state restructuring in the back burner and the subject drifted to the more serious issue of the sex change operation carried out by the scion of Nepal's top comedian, and what this would mean for Nepal's territorial integrity. The conversation was freely sprinkled with Nepali colloquial terms for genitalia and punctuated by full-bellied laughter and detailed speculation on what happens when a man becomes a woman. The long and short of it is that we now know how little Nepal's political leadership grasp human biology. Advice to politicians: before you ask for autonomy, study the anatomy.

Kings burger (also fit for presidents).

Have Nepal's donors also given up on the constitution? Why else would they send members of the Special Committee off to Zurich for two weeks right in the middle of crucial negotiations on demobilisation? The theory is that when taken out of their domestic context members may be better able to forge a consensus. But experience with past junkets to South Africa, Denmark and Norway have shown that it doesn't always work. They get on like a house on fire, but as soon as they land back at Tribhuvan they are at each others' throats again. All major decisions are centralised in the top three honchos, so flying the second rung leaders halfway around the world increases their carbon footprints, but doesn't get the constitution written on time.

Momos so hot they have icicles.
After awarding West Seti to 3 Georges, Inc, the Baddies seem to have realised what it feels like to have the shoe in the other foot. The Maoist energy minister said this week: "Protests against West Seti will be detrimental to future investment in hydropower." Ha ha ha. Look who's talking. Our PhD prime minister loves to talk in equations, which is why he announced the discovery of a new theory of quantum mechanics at the Power Summit this week: Hydro Power + Democracy = New Nepal. So, remind me again, why did we have to fight a war to establish a dictatorship of the proletariat during which hydro projects were bombed?

For the man who has everything (except his manhood).
Going by the full page ads in the papers offering Super Bumper Offers for office space in a new downtown mall, one would think Nepal's economy is registering double digit growth. But sales of apartments must be slow if they have to bribe people with Range Rovers to buy a flat:

Buy an apartment and win a SUV
Buy a SUV and win an apartment
Buy one hatchback and get a free gold bangle
Buy a gold bangle and win a Santro
Buy a subscription to this paper and win a shirt
Buy trousers and get undies free

Also bits of chicken breast to go.
Our ministers are all ministering to themselves. Irritation Minister Mahendra threatened Secretary Brinda Hada with physical harm when she refused to include "pre paid" Yadav appointees to juicy posts. Minister of Labour Pains, Sarita Girlie has replaced the chief of the Dept of Foreigner Employment for the fourth time in a year with a afno manchhe. State Minister for Deforestation Lax Man went on a transborder shopping spree in Jogbani and tried to sneak in a pressure cooker and saris for wifey but was caught red-faced by locals who turned out to be lackeys of none other than our very own Upadro Yadav. Gotchha!

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)