Everytime his erstwhile majesty Kingji goes off to India and meets Sonia and/or Kali Baba, it triggers rumours again among Kathmandu's chatterati that there is a plot afoot to revive the monarchy. And so it happened this time. No sooner had kingG slipped back into the country under cover of darkness last week, than word spread that he had the blessings of Godmen down south for the baby king proposal to enthrone king-in-waiting Hridayendra as a cultural monarch.

Although we have it on good authority that clown plince palas (as they call him in Bangkok) is said to be ticked off they are skipping one generation to pick his son. Parasji himself moved from Singapore to Thailand, probably because of the strict l�se-majest� laws there and they are pretty much used to heir apparents making asses of themselves. Anyway, ex-CP Paras' latest escapade was not on Pat Pong in Bangkok but on Park Street in Kolkata where he got roughed up one night last week by a local Bong gang after a drunken brawl. Stay tuned.

The other guy who is against the return of the monarchy is Comrade Caesar Maximus, not because he is a republican but because His Eminence Prachanda Pratapi Bhupati has ambitions to become a Maharaja Dhiraj himself at some point. This is probably why he is looking forward to his Delhi trip next week, where he is expected to pay his respects at unusual pilgrimage sites for annointment.

Meanwhile, BRB is feeling a wee bit beleaguered as PKD starts in earnest to pull the rug from under him. Awesome is even trying to convince gullible kangresi top guns to make a go for prime ministership ("the UML had two turns, we've had two, now it's your turn") just so he can have his deputy out of the way. The real question everyone is asking is whether BRB deliberately leaked Chief Sab's proposal on integration, or he just naively gave it to PKD to look at not realising that it was PKD himself who was the architect of the proposal. Anyway, the long and short of it was that the shit hit the fan within the army brass and the proposal was dead in the water. Who is really directing policy on Nepal these days, the MEA or the Indian Army?

Someone quickly tell the prime minister's outriders that there is no way around a traffic jam, you have to wait like everyone else. (If the traffic jam stretches all the way from Solti Mode to Tribhuvan Salik you know the media house has clout.) Case in point was the Kantipur anniversary bash on Wednesday when Mustang One tried to outmanoeuvre the traffic by crossing over to the wrong side of the narrow road and promptly trapped itself and everyone else in a massive gridlock that lasted well over an hour. Comrade Yummy was waiting at Megha Malahar for her "Baje" to turn up, and was overheard saying: "He's always late." Memo to Prime Minister: you should've just walked from solti Mode.

Suggestions for those planning to invite the prime minister, president or vice-president to cut ribbons, light lamps, launch books or officiate at weddings: please ensure that the function starts after 9PM so as not to bring the entire nation to a halt? Just a suggestion.

The Ass congratulates the winners of this week's Headlines on Deadline Contest. And the winners are
(the Ass' asides in brackets):

(Wouldn't it have been better for the prez to gnaw at Gupta himself? There is nothing like a good old-fashioned cannibalism.)

(Even better: 'Headless Body Found in Topless Bar')

("Ground Control to Major Tom: We have contact with Yak.")

(Is he going to do this single-handedly or is there going to be a distribution of labour, as it were?)

(At which point we must mention that Thai girls are rumoured to have quite a few tricks with hats, or without, if one prefers.)

(Traditional Nepali victory ritual is to decapitate the captain of opposing team and take his or her head home as trophy.)