Nepali Times
Jewelers of the world, unite


Finally, Transparency International has recognised the capacity of our kleptocrat rulers to loot and plunder at will by upgrading us to 44th from the bottom as the world's most corrupt country. Now, there is nowhere to go but down. Luckily for us, TI's rankings are a bit outdated and based on the corruption situation in Nepal last year. Since then, and especially in the last 100 days, we have inducted many more oligarchs into govt. The Ass would hazard a guess that we have by now overtaken Afghanistan in the race to the bottom, and if this M'baddie-M'dhesi coalition continues for much longer we may finally have the distinction of ranking corruptest in Asia. Bottoms up!

We're not just talking about measly bribes anymore. It's now a eat-all-you-can buffet from the national coffers. For the past year or so, more than 3,000 ladakus were missing from the cantonments, but the Baddies were still giving themselves allowances for the full 19,608 former fighters, filling the party war chest with billions in tax payer's money. Now it finally becomes clear why Comrade Awestruck was boasting in the Shaktikhor Tape that he tricked the UN and everyone into thinking that there were 35,000 ex-fighters "when we all know we only have 4,000". Ha ha ha! And he has been laughing all the way to the bank ever since. The Baddies have also taught the eh-Maleys well. The Self-Employment Scheme has reportedly been doling out billions of roops to UML cronies in lieu of fake jobs creation. The reason for this week's riots by the eh-Maley youth wing, YAWN, was to prevent the Baddies from getting their hands back into the Self-Employment honeypot. And when the arson didn't work, YAWN declared a bund on Monday. Had it not been for a prompt reminder from the Americans through Facebook that bund organisers could kiss their chances of getting US visas goodbye, the arses would probably have indulged in more arson. This was such an effective demonstration of the deterrence value of the threat of visa revocation that the Americans promptly lifted the security advisory for nationals visiting Nepal.

Which probably means Patan's jewelry sows will have to pause a bit next time they apply for a visa when they come to the question in the forms that go 'Are you or have you ever been involved in enforcing a Nepal or Upatyaka Bund? Tick one:

Yes, I was the ringleader
Yes, I smashed the windscreens of four cars
Yes, but I will never do it again, cross my heart.'

I get the feeling office bearers of the Lalitpur Chamber of Commerce and Patan's jewelry merchants (Motto: 'Jewelers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your gold chains!') will be lying low and will not be going on warpath anytime soon. Is this why the diamond merchants and goldsmiths have decided to sponsor traffic stands at all major intersections in the capital? And, speaking of precious stones, where did PKD get that fat 24 carat diamond ring he was sporting the other day?

1. who cares
i was waiting for a last few days for some one to remember what that bhatterai said 2/3 month ago: that he would resign in 3 month whether there is conclusion of peace process or not.

today, neither any one remembers it, nor bhatterai has any will left to resign. 

bhatterai has made everyone, except I, an ass. 

2. Deb Bahadur Gurung
We Nepalis are cowards ! We Nepalis suck like nobody's business. We Nepalis are servants by our mindset. We Nepalis just stink. Period.  Otherwise how can any one explain that people in the Maoist and UML and Congress and Madhises are as you say gorging on the all you can eat buffet at Nepali Janata Hotel, no one, I mean no one takes any action. Isreal put its President in jail. I think we Nepalis are born cowards and we need just shut up. If not, then lets find a way to see if Prachanda's blood is red and if he bleeds if we cut him. That goes for all the others, too many to name but a few like Deuba, Bamdev, Oli, Baburam et al.  If not, then just put up and shut up. You only get what you deserve.      

3. prakash bhattarai
I have a dream, that tomorrow, which ease today, that my sh*t is gonna be goold aka GOLD... so help my ass behind...thank God my flush tank has no water...Oh My God :)

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)