Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Eight Points for Attention

ASS


Good to see an erstwhile revolutionary who brought down Nepal's monarchy, Financial Minister Comrade Monsoon Man not skipping a beat to refer to the visiting Norwegian Crown Prince the other day as "His Royal Highness".

But it must be much more awkward for Comrade Awesome who used to like calling class enemies "revisionists" to be labeled "revisionist" by his own camaraderies. After piling his Chairman with awesome adjectives like "judsutrabadi", "deviationist", "distortionist" and "raw agent" (among others) Comrade Big Flop has decided to keep it simple this time by referring to Comrades Prime Minister and Chairman "both stupid". The worst cut for all for Chairman Fearsomeness must be when his erstwhile protťgť, Comrade Cloud, publicly called him "a lackey of feudals and expansionists".

Hridesh Tree Party is not happy about the way media misrepresented his property self-declaration in which he disclosed that he virtually owns a gold mine. Shri Tea Party insists that the gold is a dowry gift and belongs to his wife, and besides, it's all going to be given away for his dotter's wedding next week.

The Ass has just been perusing The Collected Works of Mao Tse Tung (4th Volume, Foreign Language Press, Peking, 1970, 155 pages) where the Great Helmsman reiterates the Three Main Rules of Discipline and the Eight Points for Attention. For anyone who wants to know when our own Baddies deviated from Mao's straight and narrow, they just have to read this section (with Ass' asides in brackets):

Instruction of the General Headquarters of the Chinese People's Liberation Army October 10 ,1947

The Three Main Rules of Discipline are as follows:
1. Obey orders in all your actions (hmmmÖ)
2. Don't take a single needle from the masses (poke them with it)
3. Turn in everything captured (har-de-har-har!)
The Eight Points for Attention are as follows:
1. Speak politely (yeah, sure)
2. Pay fair for what you buy (hee-haw)
3. Return everything you borrow (don't steal, just "borrow")
4. Pay for anything you damage (yeah, whatever)
5. Don't hit or swear at people (take that, you #$@%&*)
6. Don't damage crops (loot them)
7. Don't take liberties with women (liberate 'em)
8. Don't ill treat captives (eliminate them)

The only explanation as to why Hachethu made it to the State Restructuring Committee and Bhattachan didn't is that the political parties are now getting cold feet about the ethnic federation agenda. They need people in the committee who are yes-men. The anti-Caucasian caucus in parliament that voted against the amendment to set up the supercommittee spooked the scheiŖe out of the party leadership. No, it's not a fear that the country will disintegrate, it's the fear that they will lose the 40 per cent Bahun-Chhetri vote bank.

The infamous Gone Ace Rai who built up a well-deserved reputation for kickbacks while in the KMC was sacked by the prime minister himself. But guess what, the fellow flew off to Ecuador on a municipality junket. When asked about this, the PM was endearingly candid: "They just don't obey my orders, what am I supposed to do?" Sack him again, Daktar Saheb.

Victory Bachelor Gachhedar has transferred nearly 300 policemen in the past two weeks, making this the biggest transfer ever in Nepal's history. Cops who got reassigned to "juicy" postings had to pay through their noses, resulting in a huge improvement in the Home-sweet-home Minister's cash flow situation. Then 16 other honest revenue officials chasing VAT scammers and tax evaders get transferred to clerical jobs at the behest of the First Lady. Whenever the prime minister raises these issues at cabinet meetings, ministers in question blackmail him and threaten to pull out of the coalition. Maybe Prime Minister Red Flag should call his bluff once and for all.

Rubbing his hands in glee at BRB's discomfiture is none other than PKD, who was overheard telling the faithful at the Pistachio Palace the other day: "Now, let's see how popular he really is." And, amidst cackling laughter: "Comrade Hisila is turning out to be even greedier than Comrade Sujata."



1. who cares
"...........Comrade Big Flop has decided to keep it simple this time by referring to Comrades Prime Minister and Chairman "both stupid". ....."

as far as i can remember, this is the first time i laughed at ass' joke- there had been good ones but were not able to convert into laugh.


"Hridesh Tree Party i....... it's all going to be given away for his dotter's wedding next week."

by the way, how much is the legal limit of valuable metals that one can hold.... lucky jui... 



"Instruction of the General Headquarters of the Chinese People's Liberation Army October 10 ,1947"

may be maoist followed nepali discipline:
1: guest is god. (demand such treatment, what treatment? ask gyan bahadur)

2: father is god. (ask public, who is yr daddy?)

3: husband is bishnu. (hum)

4: customer is always right. (remind it to the vendor)

5: ...


"....... why Hachethu made it to the State Rest .........."

i think they choose intentionally the incompetent ones so that they would mess up everything so badly that country would return back to non federal. 


 "the First Lady"

the first lady le life ma k e garla jasto cha hai. she has a potential to achieve big. 


"".......... PKD, who was overheard telling the faithful .......... "Now, let's see how popular he really is." .... "Comrade Hisila is turning out to be even greedier than Comrade Sujata." ........""

in the past, maoist used to have around 35% hardcore support in the cyber world. thanks to bhatterai baje, it has fallen down to 22%. 

reference: 
Baburam Bhattarai's performance into the second month in office has been:
1st Division21.4%2nd Division21.4%3rd Division57.1%





2. Kale
 #1 who cares

Lese Majesty!
 Has Madam Hsimaru (Bhattarai) has surpassed Madam Kenyatta  or Emelda Marcos  or tun Suharto or any other first ladies? They were called Mrs. Ten Per Cent or not?
 That is the permitted perk for a  First Lady .

 


3. Gole
Attention: Hrides Tree Party urf Prana-arse Tin -Pathi  nee Lord    Life of 3she-goatee Daine hath le kheyepani baya hathle kheye pane ustai ho..
(Is there a difference in eating ;whether you eat with your right hand or your left hand?--Will Smart Alec Tripathi give us the answer?
 


4. Raza
 New Years Name Change  List.-
Conversion confirmed in Secular Republic of Newpaul.


Paris Danda renamed The Vatican  City Or The Holy See.
Catel Gondolfo  ,the New Name (  New Nepal) for Pistachio Palace.
 Comrade Prac handa   .........His Holiness   Pope Puspa. ,The First.
Comrade Babu Ram  ......................Cardinal Babu.Of Chhoprak.
Com. Na Kazi................................Archibishop of    St.                           Gorookhane..Cathedral..

Comrade C P Gajurel    ...................Pastor of Panzim Church ,Goa  .
Com. Dina Nathan ............................Bishop of Lalgauda , Lutheran Denominational Seminary.
Comrade Yumi Hashimaro ............Mother Superior, St.Mary ,s Cathedral. Jhamsikhel.
Christmas is coming and the geese are getting fat.
Take out all the money from rich men's house.
* Marx-ism is Neo-Religion now. ,it is not opium but LSD ( not Pound , Schilling & Pence though.)

Wait for the reaction from Kaviraj Kiran  Momo-khan.of  Dung Hill  ,Deu -Khukuri.
                                         
                       



5. who cares
2. Kale

let's hope, she will surpass the punishment too. 



6. DG
#4 Raza.       
                   My.

   Suggestion/ Selection for:

Comrade Mohan Baidya 's name from now on;


    MOHAN BAIDYA " KHURSHID ".

         Futushi Baidya has now suepassed Marx  or Lenin.




*Futushi means Vice -Chairman.in Chinese;
Ex; Maotushi.




7. Sushil Kumar
It seems our Maoist comrades are just the reverse part of the coin, the obverse.  Thank you editor for bringing  the # Three    Main Rules of Discipline &  Eight  Points of Attention by  no less a person than The Chairman Mao.  . 
Better late than ever.
Will you be kind enough to make this public through your sister concern  Himalkhabar Patrika as well in Nepali for the benefit of us all .?
Thank you in anticipation .


8. Tapan Das
#2 Kale.
Your choice is superb , we like it.
 C om-red Hsimaru.
 Does she hail from Nippon?


9. DG
 PS;
          Khurshid in Persian means.....The Son . ,Ravi, Dinkar , Diwakar, Surya, Suraj.
 M choice is still Khurshid! Ha ha ha!....


10. gaurab

ho yar, maobadi haru tannai chan, mao ko philosophy eutai follow gardainan,  k ko natak, sab gunda haru jasto behawav gare ta desh lie ramro hudaina ni,

tara desh ko chinta kosai kosai lie kina rahosh? afnu matra sochchan,



11. chandra gurung
who is big flop? what does it refer to?I didn't get it and any help would be highly appreciated.

12. Arthur
chandra gurung #11, I don't speak Nepali but my guess is that the ass is referring to Netra Bikram Chand 'Biplav' (or Biplap/Biplab).
It is the sort of "humour" that makes three year old children and sophisticated KTM elites giggle. 



13. chandra gurung
Thanks Arthur. Makes sense. I speak Nepali but can't keep track of many names the Maoist leaders use. Each of them seem to have cornered quite a few names for themselves.

14. who cares
looks like this three and a half yr old child has not been getting enough spanking. 

15. Barkat Ali



# Instructionsfrom The Head Quarters of the Chinese  PLA,OCT,10 ,1947.
 Compare with Nepal Maoists PLa.
 
The U CPN ( Maoists ) were found Stealing from the government coffer the pay for the Missing 3000 of their men. - Today's Newspapers.
Do this government h legitimacy to catch the corrupt civil servants or Vat-Chors? They have forfeited their moral right to take action on any tax evders or even thieves by their such act or not.?
 We who voted them to power have now a sorry face.
  We are soliciting  reply defending the party; we are humiliated by their act.
Let Arthur and Mukti Pradhan defend them at least morally yjis time. They have muscle power. So are the ministers speciallfrom Madhes.
Corrupters of the world unite! Is Corruption is Kosher, it is Halal in the New Republic of Nepal?

Ye dagh ujala, ye sab-gazida sahar,
Vo intizar tha jis-ka ,ye yo sahar to nahin, 
Ye vo sahar to nahin  jis ke axzu lekar
Chale the yara ke  mil-ja'egi kahin na kahin....
.........
..........
Chale -chalo ke vo manzil  abhi nahin a"i.--Faiz Ahmed Faiz.,Pakistani Poet.,...Poem....Subh-E-Azadi.


:




 





16. B2B
# 15 Chalte, chalte sun le eik Omar Khayyam:
'Khudiko kar buland kya har takhdir se pahale
Khuda bande se puch teri raza kya hai'!?!


17. Sushil Kumar
#B2B

Eak aur Omar  Khayyam.

"Unborn Tomorrow and dead Yesterday,
Why fret about them if Today be sweet!"
(-Neither grieve over what you did not accomplish in the past nor leave your efforts for the success of tomorrow.
Concentrate your efforts tosucced today. Sooner or later they will be crowned with glory.)-Sufi mysticism in him.


18. DG
#16 B2B.&15 Barkat Ali.
Let me also join yours bandwagon.*

Kab nazar may aa-ye gee baydagh sabzay ki bahar
Khoon kay dhab-bay dhulain gay kitnee barsaton kay baad?-Faiz.
 (And  will there be a spring when the green is all bighted
And how many rains must fall, before the spots are washed clean.)
  * From East Pakistan to Bangaladesh  Metamorphosis








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