Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Revolution is peace

ASS


The government's crackdown on adulterated food stuffs ahead of Dasain has been so effective that the concerned authoritarians are running out of shops to raid. Desperate to show that they are ever-vigilant, government inspectors who can't find any more people committing adulteration are now going after those committing adultery. In raids this week on cabin restaurants, some VIPS types have been caught with their pants down, as it were. Others have been found mixing business with pleasure during office hours. "Their identities are being withheld until their next of kin are notified," one official said on condition of anonymity.

***

While delivering everyone a rude awakening, Sunday's quake struck just as a US military team was in Kathmandu to conduct a Disaster Response Exercise. The first tremors caught the American Jarsap while he was en route to the Army HQ where COAS Gen Twitchy was waiting, twitching even more than usual. The dinner went ahead anyway, and it must have focused everyone's mind. As it did the minds of CA members who haven't lifted a finger to pass the Disaster Risk Management Bill, but ran helter skelter for their dear lives from the floor of parliament.

Across town at the Sheetal Nibas, the president was ensconced with none other than our very own Reporter-at-Large, Rishi Hamala. Trust His Omnipresence to be at the right place at the right time yet again. As soon as the first tremor struck, according to the mule's mole at the Rastraparty Palace, the lights went off and Hamala vanished into the darkness to file his scoop in Rajdhani. The prez groped his way to a newly-installed emergency staircase, but found the door locked. So he was escorted through a swaying corridor from the West Wing to the East Wing to safety.

Speaking of Gamala, here he is (above) felicitating the guy whose name escapes me at the moment who has just completed driving a car from Mechi to Mahakali in reverse gear just to get into the Guinness Book. We knew the country was going backwards, but hadn't realised it was that bad.

***

Baddie doublespeak is coming thick and fast. Quote of the week from Comrade Pumpa: "Revolution is peace." Quote of week from last week from Comrade Pushpa: "Integration is revolution." For someone who once said he was "absolutely allergic" to revisionism, it looks like Com Bhayankar has yet to fully explain what he was doing underground in Siliguri, and also why he keeps meeting Kingji of late.

Awesome has just started threatening to go for "unilateral integration" if the kangresis don't stop putting a spanner in the works, and we were all wondering what he meant. Now we know. In a pep-talk he gave to commanders he said he had a cunning plan: for 6,000 ex-gorillas to use integration to infiltrate the army and for each fighter to indoctrinate three soldiers and then take over. It would be brilliant if only it wasn't Bhanayak once more being too devious by half. He is trying to prevent the PLA from falling for Kiran's faction.

***

Foot-in-mouth Home Minister Bijaybabu has done it again by telling parliament he is praying that earthquakes devastate America and not Nepal. Wonder if there will be an official demarche from the US Embassy. He is already facing flak for unceremoniously sacking home sec Com Lila Mani apparently for being too enthusiastic in nabbing sandalwood smugglers and trying to deport 23 Tibetans.

Gachhe can't seem to do anything right. People make fun of him even when he says that he wants to be a "model minister" or when he says he will have "zero tolerance" for corruption. Wonder why.

***

BRB in NY seems to have given up on the Kiran faction joining his govt. Trouble is every Madhesi party in the coalition has got a disgruntled faction and there aren't enough portfolios to go around. So, the only thing Rambabu can do is create more ministries by splitting Peace and Reconciliation; Labour and Transport; Science and Technology; and General and Administration. That should take care of that.



1. who cares
may be they should divide minister into multiple divisions: men & sisters 


which will fulfill all demands including equal representation. 


2. RAMBABU

DEAR ASS,

REALY YOU ARE ASS, IN LAST PARA YOU MAINTION BRB AND FINALLY DELIGATE TO SPLIT THE MINISTRY TO ME NOTING ME "RAMBABU" , DO YOU CHECK THE CABINATE BRB  WILL BE REPLACE BY ME



3. who cares
let the ass judge who is the ass and who is not?

some are saying jhallu can sigh 7 pt secret deal, why cant bhatterai make a 4 pt deal:    

the main difference in between them is, 7 pt deal had a threat of one party communism and 4 pt deal will definitely make nepal sikkim.

so which one is more dangerous, we can fight communism but if we become sikkim, i can see there will be no return. 

how many people have india killed to prevent break away of gorkha land, kashmir etc.



most nepalese are so dumb that they cant realize that sikkimization does not happen over night. 

# first is we have to provide citizenship to a few millions foreigners. 

# then come separate state and group entry into army.

# then they will demand more citizenship for more million foreigners. can you prevent this after the first and second demands are met?

# then there will be more demands, there will start quarrel and then either there will be separation or sikkimization. 

most of the nepalese, so called civil society members, media, politicians are so dumb that they will never realize that. after separation or sikkimization they will blame the decision makers of that time but wont see that the individuals from present and past were also involved. 



before bhattrai left for new york he said he wont be making deal regarding convict swapping with india. he termed it major anti national thing. but after returning from UN he talks about studying it. 

and also he is saying now that he never said about completing/making major deal regarding peace process within 45 days.

now you, self declared smart nepalese, guess what he could be cooking?





4. STUPID

Dear Ass,

you deviate to much if Gachhe is nonthing what is view about Lion bahadur. With his peralized tongue he cannot do anything.Now model jocker.

If you concentrate on Bhandari state ment 22 district may seperate that will be Mithlization not sikimization.All the khasiya are naked within last 20 years. If BRB is strnthening interal Nationalism by Providing UMDF fair role , this is demand of time. Ask three ekas how they are conversing from three big to three pigs.



5. KHURAFATI

DEAR ASS

DID YOU KIK THE JAYAPU NARAYAN MAN, HE IS AGINST UMDF POLICY, HE PERHAPS HAVE READ THE HISTORY OF MALL & BRAVERY OF MAITHLA FORCE.....



6. Kale
Travesty of justice; Pradhan the Chief Procecuter i. ee. the Attorney General of Nepal, a Maoist stooge and a comunalist. Ha ha ha!


7. Gore

Hi Ass,

You are really lucky  many high profile leaders are your friend , now even SC head. Enjoy Nepal.



8. kalu

Dear Ass,

Do you like to mention the difference of intect level between you and last four PM of FDR.nepal. If you raise your voice very sure you will Win.Additionaly your name is Universal ... now raise your voice.



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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