You scratch my back, I'll scratch your eyes out

BIKRAM RAI
One of the many indications that Nepal may be headed the North Korea way besides the fact that we now call ourselves a Democratic People's Republic is that the Department of Mines has announced that it will start prospecting for uranium in Mustang. Better late than never to have our own plutonium enrichment program so we won't be kicked around by Big Brothers, hoina?

***

There is so much back-stabbing going on that no politician trusts anyone anymore even if they have a total of 250-point agreements in writing with thumb prints duly attested by witnesses and a public notary.

The latest major falling out is between JNK and PKD with each accusing the other of being a dirty double crosser. Neither had any intention of delivering on promises, they were just using each other to get to Balua Water, or to keep someone they hated even more out of the House Built on Sand. They were so clever by half with the you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-out-your-eyes-out principle that the two inevitably parted ways last week.

***

PKD was mad at JN for offering to resign without his permission and, even worse, tabling an ultimatum on progress in the peace process. ("No one gives Unser Fuhrer ultimata and that sort of thing, get that?") So, Awesome leaked to the press that he had another "breakthough" proposal up his sleeves, and the press duly reported this as "breaking news". The breakthrough was PKD's agreement to integrate only 7,000 PLA, give the rest a 5 lak golden handshake, make four senior gorillas colonels in the Nepal Army, etc. But, as with umpteen proposals before this, Comrade Lotus Flower suddenly went cold on the breakthrough plan. JN felt betrayed and trotted off to Shit-all Nibas to tender his resignation to the prez.

Whatever he may say in public about backing BRB as PM, that is the last thing PKD would like to see. He would rather have Lion Brave as PM, and has the NC's four-time PM wagging his tail and waving his paw. Till press time on Thursday it was looking like Share Bahadur was in no mood to share the PM-ship, especially if BRB got the job first. The question on everyone's mind now is whether Dahal will do to B Bhattarai what Girija did to KP Bhattarai way back when. Never know with these bahuns.

***

So it looks like the black plate wallahs have declared a nationwide transporters strike if their 41-pt demand is not met. Among the demands is that the constitution be written on time, so we can safely conclude that there will be no public transport for the next decade or so. But the main gripe of the microscopic bus owners is that the Badis are getting to import taxis duty free. "If Badis can have tax-exempt taxis, we Mao-badis should also have them," they say.

***

And finally, @anqrs just tweeted: "When asked who should be next candidate for PM Prachanda said 'BRB' (Be Right Back) but everyone confused it for Babu Ram Bhattarai."

1. who cares
puspa can kiss good bye after bhatterai assumes the office.

finally, the biggest phony is out.

Posted on: 19 AUG 2011 | 3:07 PM NST

2. B
" Never know with these bahuns."

Wow! really???? can you really stoop this low???

Posted on: 19 AUG 2011 | 4:43 PM NST

3. Sharanhari Dukulanthak

#2. Take it easy, B. Look at the Nepalese political rangasala, how many leadership positions are occupied by non-Bahuns? Three warring camps of "anti-establishment"(does anyone believe them anymore?) Maoist are led by Bahuns, situation is almost identical in UML and Congress who lead rest of the rotten pack of "pro-establishment" brigade. Jamarkettel and his henchmen are creating mayhem in labour relations front. Top bureaucratic positions are mostly held by Bahuns. So whom else you blame for this malaise? Bahuns managed to get into the top echelon of everything because of their education and traditionally higher position in Nepal. But instead of using their position and strength (relative to their population) to usher in good governance, public accountability and generally good values they have been promoting kleptocracy, culture of impunity etc. I am a Bahun by birth even-though I do not believe in superiority of caste or creed. Honestly I feel let down by most of the Bahuns in Nepali public space!

Posted on: 21 AUG 2011 | 8:34 PM NST

4. JPT
I don't much care for Bahuns.

But, I love Bahunis. They're cute.

Posted on: 22 AUG 2011 | 8:13 PM NST

5. nidhi
(political) animals have no caste. now, Bahun or non-bahun, they have all transformed into babusahebs.

Posted on: 22 AUG 2011 | 9:29 PM NST

6. bismabh
@Sharanhari Dukulanthak: I remember somebody telling me that "Sir Henry, Duke of London" was rechristened as "Sharanhari Dukulanthak" by Nepali press abt four decades ago ;-)

Posted on: 23 AUG 2011 | 2:12 PM NST

7. Sharanhari Dukulanthak
@bismabh: You are absolutely right about Sir Henry, This is a Belayati Bahun of Nepali origin, a "Non-resident upadhryaahaa Bahun".

Posted on: 23 AUG 2011 | 6:09 PM NST

8. B2B
I absolutely do not mean to flummox the tentacular Bahuns' rajya but to my knowledge and in line with Sanatan Dharma they always lived at the expense of others, who are fed by the charity of devotees so why they carved Nepal according to these images, that means to live like the purohits or priests with many attendants who are god-fearing and rather poorer than the upper caste i.e., the Bahuns. Ya Bahoinan!?!

Posted on: 23 AUG 2011 | 9:31 PM NST

9. Brahman
Thank you for letting us down again.

This week you wrote in your blog that you were surprised about how farmers in Kaski managed to stay motivated. The same week, you make me wonder about it even more. With the non-stop racist humiliation propagated by you, your publication and the crop of thinkers you guys have recognized, it is difficult to see what other way could a country take than of a communal violence and politics. Your crop has even instilled a sense of pride in people about being able to utter and scribble one-sided racist slurs in nepal. Thank you, and best wishes ! Just look all over, if you don't agree, reply with a comment here, I can help clear the dust in your glasses.

By the way, Brahmans consider Bahun to be a derogatory word (i know this is supposed to be a comical piece). The same way the use of words likemadise/dhoti/desi, jyapu, bhote and others are discouraged because those communities consider them derogatory, use of this term should be avoided..

Posted on: 24 AUG 2011 | 5:12 PM NST

10. hange
JPT- hilarious.

Posted on: 24 AUG 2011 | 11:25 PM NST