Nepali Times
Using fowl language


There has been a lot of hoo-hah about the use of foul language by politicians lately. As some of you may know, the Ass is used to spice up the braying at times with a lot of choice epithets like %$#@^, *&(@^%, or even *&^%$^*. But, WTF, the censorship of Delhi Belly was a great gimmick by the distributors to drum up lots of free publicity, and it worked f****** brilliantly.

The tripartite factional infighting within the Maoist party has also degenerated into ugly name-calling. As long as they were hurling insults at each other in their own party mouthpieces calling each other "dogs" and "dacoits" it was fine. But Baddie factions on Facebook calling a rival faction "donkey" is a bit below the belt, if you know what I mean. The Great Facebook War is now really intensifying with the cyberwarriors under the able command of Gen Laldhoj outsmarting and outnumbering the faction led by Gen Lotus Flower. But trailing way behind in terms of its presence on social networking sites, and almost exiled to Cyberia, is the third faction led by Com Kiran. And they have now even started hacking into the websites of each other's party organs.


The feud has now percolated down to all levels of the party, just about every trade union, provincial state council, people's class organisation and district committee now has a three way split between factions loyal to PKD, BRB and MBK. The acrimony has also infected the council of ministers with the BRB loyalist Devi Khadka on warpath over Infomercial Minister Ugly Sapkota accusing her of being involved in camphor smuggling to the Mainland. You know that it's just one step away from bloody noses when Baddies start calling each other "Goebbels", which for a non-Maoist is like casting strong aspersions on the ancestry of one's enemy and hinting that he or she may have canine DNA.


The other insult that has been flying around lately is the Awesome faction calling Comrade Cloud "Lin Piao". Why Lin Piao is a bad word in Maoist circles, and Stalin is not, is hard to fathom. But Ram Budder Kamred got so riled about it he defected to the BRB faction. And Kaji Naran (Comrade Xerox) finally broke away to join the ranks of the Disgruntled Comrades when he found out that his mentor has just named Post Man home minister in his fake cabinet. For him that was the final straw on the duck's back, as it were.


PKD wants to head the parliamentary party, he wants to remain party chairman, he wants to be the supreme commandante of the PLA and he wants to be prime minister once more, and/or executive president. No wonder even Baburam and Kiran who can't stand each other's guts have joined up. But feeling power slipping away from his hands, PKD has used every trick in the book to keep ahead of the game.

First, he proposed BRB as prime minister, but it was just a ploy to confuse Laldhoj loyalists. BRB saw right through it, so PKD got his loyal junjatis to come to the Paris Hill in a staged delegation to propose Comrade Cloud as PM. This proved Lotus flower is not averse to playing the ethnic card when the occasion so demands. But Cloudy was already ticked off over the Lin Piao remark, so that trick also fell flat. Then Our Man leaked a fake ministerial lineup to his pliant mainstream mouth organ which duly bannered it on page one. PKD must have thought the ministerial candidates would all start salivating and saying "yes sir, yes sir, three bags full". They didn't.


The Ass' quote of the week is from Comrade Dina who said these famous words to Com Yummy after refusing to sign the petition against PKD: "I love you, but I am married to Chairman Prachanda."

1. Prakash Bhattarai
Caption for the photograph: Male donkeys taking "Chicks" for a free ride : )

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)