BIKASH RAUNIYAR

Those of you who know Assdom well will not need to be reminded what we think of our snooty equine cousins, the horses. Although we do, on occasion, horse around with horses to produce offspring known as mules, we don't take the relationship any deeper than that. For the rest of the time, the male ass and the female horse observe decorum and remain strictly at arm's length. Which is why I don't blame the honourable justices of the Supreme Court for raising a stink over the smell of fermented horse guano emanating from the Cavalry Brigade of the Nepal Army
at Bubber Mahal.

The esteemed justices of the constitutional organ are fine with the aroma wafting up to the chambers from the Bagmati, but they draw the line at having to smell horseshit all day. So the high court wants the cavalry relocated to some remote district, and the horses snort back: "This is our ancestral home and we ain't goin' nowhere." Of all the crises that the government now has to deal with, add an imminent declaration of hostilities between the Nepal Army and the Supreme Court.

It's d�j� vu all over again as PKD, after hee-hawing and flirting with hardliners for two years, finally comes around to Baburam Path and postpones his planned people's revolt. Some say all the rafting in the Bhote Kosi and the retreats in Kavre seems to have mellowed the Chairman, but others point to the sudden air-dash he made to Singapore recently for the about turn. Whatever the reason, Comrade Lotus Flower seems to have figured out which side of his toast is buttered. He will now try to dump JNK, but the only way to replace him as PM is by giving in to all demands on air marshals, a treaty on extraordinary rendition, disbanding the YCL and demobilising the PLA. Word is, he is only waiting to sign on the dotted line. The trouble is, can anyone trust Comrade Ferocious?

Beset by crises, Jhol Gnat needs all the advice he can get to turn challenges into opportunities. After a serious brainstorming in the shower just now, the Ass has come up with the following solutions to his problems:

Problem: There is no money to pay the Indians for petroleum imports, and Nepal has become the main transit route for the smuggling of fake Indian currency.
Solution: Print counterfeit IC to pay IOC.

Problem: Daily 16-hour power cuts and no diesel for generators.
Solution: Merge NEA and NOC, bring them under the Religious Affairs Ministry and leave it to the gods.

Problem: JNK's cabinet is in trouble even before it is complete. Of the ministers he appointed, one is shot, another refuses to take the oath and Dr Lharkyal Lama turns out to be a Chinese double agent pretending to be a Free Tibet activist with Indian and Nepali passports.
Solution: Replace Radha Gyawali with Anuja Baniya, switch Gokarna Bista from hydro to home, appoint Lama ambassador to Beijing.

Problem: Two sitting CA members are accused of renting out their red passports.
Solution: Make Biswonath Yadav Foreign Minister and give Irrigation to Gayatri Shah, thereby making MJF a part of the governing coalition.