Federal Kleptokratic Republic of Nepal

Keeping count of the number of ways to spell Muammar Muhammad al-Gaddafi's name is tough. I must say the guy should be in the Guinness Book as the head of state with most variations to his good name: Gaddafi, Gadaffi, Qaddaffi, El-Qadafi, Gathafi, Katafi, Khaddafi, etc. Actually, doing the permutations and combinations from the following chart adapted from Wiki, there must be at least 26,000 different ways to spell the guy's name:

But my favourite spelling is Gaddha-fee since it is so close to the Nepali word, 'gadha'.

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Confronted with urgent challenges like saving the peace process, writing the constitution in time and completing the cabinet line-up, the new Communistic Coalition, in its wisdom, has given urgent national priority to eradicating computerised license plates. If our state security forces showed as much zeal in maintaining law and order as they are doing to book motorcycles with shiny license plates, Nepal's crime rate would be at par with Switzerland by now for sure.

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The Ass felt like a Jackass for trying to move with the times and install a fancy machine-engraved license plate on the Scooty, but guess what: although we are supposed to have machine-readable passports, we are not supposed to have machine-written license plates. The painters in the neighbourhood are booked solid till the new year churning out handwritten plates. And wonder what is going to happen to all those half-yellow and half-green plates that Maobaddie officialdom was allowed to keep on the stolen vehicles they drove around in? Let me get this straight: legitimising stolen vehicles is ok. But having your license plates engraved by the computer guy in Kalanki isn't?

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The Federal Kleptokratic Republic of Nepal is probably the only country in the world that has four national holidays just to celebrate the multiple times we have struggled to restore democracy. Prajatantra Dibas, of course, marked the overthrow of the Ranas in Sat Sal. Then there is the Old Sambidhan Dibas to mark the First People Power in Chayalis Sal. We also celebrate Loktantra Dibas to mark Gyancha's departure with an annual holiday. And finally, we have Ganatantrick Dibas to mark the day we officially metamorphosed into a republic by staying home and playing cards. At the rate we are going on constitution drafting, we will probably have to fight for democracy all over again. But look on the bright side: it's going to add another holiday to our list of democracy days. We were brainstorming the other evening at the neighbourhood watering hole about what this new national holiday should be called. And the best entry was: Janaganamana Dibas.

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As expected, the fight over the home ministry is not Oli vs Oily but Deb vs Pun, Kaji Narayan vs The Doc, Rainy vs Cloudy, and Gurung vs Magar. All hell broke loose at the Baddie CentCom the other day when all 155 members of the Politburo staked their claim to be minister, with Gopal ('Shoe Thrower') Kirati heading the pack. Chairman Supernatural tried to defuse the crisis by elevating his trusted aides to ministership, including close namesake Comrade Prakanda as Tourism Minister. The big surprise was the Chairman suddenly giving up the foreign ministry and allocating Mahara Kamred as Misinformation Minister. Is there another mobile scam in the works that involves Sumargi & Son as well as the Man with the Chinese Accent Who Offered 500 Million Roops? Maybe Com Mahara wants to find out exactly how his phone was tapped?

Best headlines of the week:
* 'Bahuns Are also Janajatis'
* 'Crows To Convene at CA'

Top contender for next week's best headline:
'Dongol Declared Miss Mongol'

READ ALSO:
Gaddafi the Guffadi

1. g6
bahuns are janjati, maybe its side effect of smoking too much plastic.

Posted on: 11 MARCH 2011 | 3:37 PM NST

2. Soni
I thought choosing a headline was a complete work of genius Ass. But after this you remain an Ass in my eyes.

Construction work of Manohara Bridge that links Madhyapur Thimi and Kadaghari has come to a halt after a dispute between locals of both the districts regarding the riverï¿½s course.

...A decision was made to shift the bridge after land of some people of Kathmandu district fell in the bridge area.

...Locals of Kathmandu said locals of Thimi had agreed to shift the bridge to its previous location after river changed its course and started flowing on public land.

Chapagain said the bridge was decided to shift as per the convenience of locals.

People of both places have agreed to rebuild the bridge in government land in the presence of different political parties.

Posted on: 11 MARCH 2011 | 6:23 PM NST

3. Soni
Best headlines of the week:
* 'Bahuns Are also Janajatis'
* 'Crows To Convene at CA'

You gave the headlines not the true stories behind the headlines, "Bahuns are also Janajatis, ha ha, they are all Martians.

"Crows to convene at CA, ...to protest against their exclusion from Ass' company."

Posted on: 11 MARCH 2011 | 6:27 PM NST

4. chandra gurung
I didn't understand the satire in the photo? I probably missed something glaring there. Anyone care to explain it please.

Posted on: 11 MARCH 2011 | 12:02 AM NST

5. gaanjamishrit dhyumradandika dharak
Is smoking plastic a new fad in the Federal Kleptocratic Republic of Gaijatraland these days? Good for mediation? I always thought that marijuana gets you to the super-consciousness state, do I need to update my facts now?

Posted on: 12 MARCH 2011 | 2:06 PM NST

6. I hate Maoists
Now that Comrade Chinky Eyes Barsaman Pun is peace and reconstruction Minister, let's see if he will ever learn how difficult it is to rebuilt what they destroyed during the 13 years of revolution.

Ironically Comrade Chinky Eyes was the head of Military Department during the 13 years revolution and was the master planner of many destructive attacks. God Bless you but hope not mr. Rainman Pun.

Posted on: 12 MARCH 2011 | 8:41 PM NST

7. Rajaram
#1 g6

Yes Bahuns are not Tribals(Janjatis).
They are Adibasis (Indigenous).
In India all citizens of India are classified as Indigenous includind the Brahmins.Historically Brahmins have been living in the court of the Buddha's father Suddhodhana also.,in that part of Nepal called Lumbini.

Why are we shy of calling our-selves Tribals but Janjati?
After all self-identification is the criteria adopted by the UN organization (European dominated)called ILO.

Posted on: 16 MARCH 2011 | 5:30 AM NST

8. Gole
#1-g6

If Newars can be Janjati .every citizen of Nepal does qualify as Janjati.
The most Urbanized and privileged community of the country ,residing in the capital city , until sometime back called Nepal,; when the rest if the countyy peoples were deprived of school education and hospital care are classified as Janjati,is there anything else left as criteria for entering the bandwagon called Janjati of Nepa?

Posted on: 16 MARCH 2011 | 5:30 AM NST

9. Danny
Gadda is donkey the most revered animal in the Arab World, a wise animal unlike inIndia-Nepal.
But Gaddafi is called Mumur, a name meaning penis in Kashmiri. So he is a real long pric.

Posted on: 17 MARCH 2011 | 6:39 AM NST

10. g6
a social group of pahadis or parbates who take up 73% or nepalese population and dominate 99.9% of the politico economical scenario in nepal are protesting for more rights. you must have smoked plastic and of the worst kind. the rest of the population the 27 % want our rights too. we dont want to dominate like the parbates we just ask for what we deserve and what is ours. what are your demands?100% control of the nation. be the ruling class. like the ethnic hans in tibet? the nepal that everybody so much promotes is a newari nepal. the history the temples and the stories. historically bahuns are know for being manipuladores. im not surprised that there was a bahun in the sidharthas court. manipulating things there. and another things everytime a bahun has take the protagonism the thing has ended in disaster. personally they should dedicate more time gestioning lifeless stone and metal object and dedicate less time with the living beings.

Posted on: 17 MARCH 2011 | 5:28 PM NST