Nepali Times
The 7-point disagreement


The Ass, as many fans know, is partial to grass. And this Shivaratri will be remembered in history as the festival that legalised weed once more. The irony of it all was that while Kathmandu's finest were rounding up the Babas and their Bhang Stash this week, over on the other side of Pashupati delegates were firing up the First National Marijuana Convention. Nepal's parliament, having proven that it is the most liberal in South Asia by legalising gay marriage and allowing daughters inheritance, should now follow up by also legalising pot for medicinal use and giving back Nepal's farmers the cash crop they need. As loyal readers will have gleaned, the Ass is firmly on the side of correcting the retrogressive 1973 decision to ban marijuana. The delegates at the 1st All-Over-Nepal Grassy Convention discussed the medical uses of marijuana, as a painkiller, and as one of the only ways to keep one's sanity in these depressing times. Instead of a tea break, delegates had a pot break and all felt much better after that.


Hard to understand the hoo-hah over the prime minister's new Range Rover. Would it have been ok if it was a Pajero or a Land Cruiser? Wouldn't be surprised if the whole uproar was engineered by the Japanese SUV lobby to sabotage the major inroad made by the Tata-owned SUV company to give our PM new four-wheel traction. Even so, a brilliant move by Land Rover to go viral on the net to generate all that free publicity worth karods in sales. Now everyone will want one. But then, the PM can't be seen in a car that every Tom, Dick and Hari has, so we hereby propose that Jhola Nath be allowed by Act of Parliament to have a stretched Humvee. How else is he ever going to have the confidence to complete his cabinet? Actually what we should really be worried about is why ex-Homeward Minister was allowed to put a private red plate on his Land Cruiser and take it home with him. Give it back, Bhim Bro. Be a sport.


The first and only contender for the Only in Nepal Headline of the Week Contest for this Friday is: 'Decisive Meeting Indecisive'. The Makunay Sarkar had to carry on taking care for seven months after resigning, and the Jhallu Sarkar can't form a cabinet a month after being sworn in. And the reason is the same: the Battle for the Home Ministry is not between UML and the Maobaddies, but within those two parties. In the latest of many decisive meetings to seek a Final Solution this week, Chairman Fierceness told the UML folks: "Why can't you propose any other name besides Bishnu Poudel for Griha Muntri?" To which a frustrated and tired eh-Maley leader (probably Com Oily) muttered: "It would be better to give Griha to the Baddies than give it to Bum Dev." An attending Baddie whispered back in his ear: "And all this is to prevent Laldhoj from being anywhere in the new coalishun." Anyway, now that Komred Fearsome has his man as PM, and sees there's no way his party is getting the home portfolio, on instructions from his Baddie Master he's got Khanal Sir to propose the Leftist God as a compromise candidate. At press time, the lobbying by the Maley faction within the eh-Maley for the Left-leaning God had become pretty intense.


Meanwhile, Fearsome has all the time in the world to attend Wrestling Matches and deliver another fiery tirade warning of The Apocalypse at the headquarters of the YCL Jackboots at Khanna Garments in Gwarko. However, Maoist factions loyal to Dr Kiran and Com Red Flag were conspicuous by their absence. Psst: the row is all over who gets to keep the casino loot.


This brings us to the Donk's Headline Forecast, containing a list of headlines we are sure to see in the papers (including this one) in the coming week:

'Constitution Will Not Be Written On Time: Deuba'
'Who Says Constitution Will Not Be Written On Time? Khanal'
'Congress Should Join Govt: Sujata'
'Congress Shouldn't Join Govt: Sushil'
UML Must Join Govt: Bharat Mohan'
'UML Mustn't Join Govt: Nepal'
'7-pt Agreement Was Treason: Oli'
'7-pt Agreement Was, Like, Great: Prachanda'
'7-pt Agreement Was the Best Thing That Happened to Me: PM'

The King's Speech

1. ripvanwinkle
legalize now, why should we stay true to the deal made between the dead royals and disgraced nixon. why should we obey the imperialists. legalize marijuana now. i always thought that DEA and the then king jii reached a deal in september of 1980 to subsequently ban marijuana after the first gave the then second millions of dollars.  

2. Shamsundar
Casinos at Manag Mustan , Dolpa, 
 Us grants casinos to state like Nevada ,where there is no prospetof agriculture or industris as in a desert. So why permit casinos at Kathmadu Valley/  M ove them where there is no other prospects. KingMahendra gave passport to Manange remember!

3. Gole
 Kujata in Thailand.
Sujata means  one born well,nodoubt.   Without changing the meaning of it , the Thais call Kujata.
 Kukrit in Thai  means sukrit in Nepali. Ex: Kukrit Pramoj.

4. Tapan Das
India Mohan has joined as finance minister now ; we will have a windfall from Bharat now.

5. Gheo Chaku Naran
Hijacking Government Vehicles Somali Pirate Style.
 Somali pirates have landed in Nepal and have captured the state. They have not only hijacked officecars but our politics as well. They are the ministers . hey are the ones who are somebody who count  in the parliament. We have come to realize it very late ,only now.  They can increase their perks; the extention of the life of the constitutional  assembly and what not . They can change a male into a female.  They only cannot change the inclement  weather into  a pleasing one or improve  the life style of the poor and the down-trodden ones ofthis land of ours. Beware of such dacoits. Stealing or taking possession of others property without authorization is robbery or not?A robber is a robber ,is a robber. Beware of your cars too. Is it not a travesty of justice that our fate lies at the hands of such thieves.

6. Slarti
Hi Ass, just a question. 

Since you either apparently have been in one of these meetings, or at least have a reliable mule there. Do they really talk in these meeting things? 

I mean I always thought that they just giggle through those meetings and simply go out and say no to whatever is being asked of them.

Teheehheee hehehe...should keep the finance for Laldhoj ...hhehehhe...he has a fi..nansense...ical mind...(roars of derisive laughter)......

I just can't believe how they can keep a straight face through all of this.

Also, did you doctor that image up there?

7. Rohit Rai
Yi doorbin kaha ka hoon? Bharatiya hoon ki Chiniya hoon? Kehi dekhi daina ta...!!

8. Gheo Chaku Naran.
Bloody Fools,they don,t even know how to open the cover of the binoculars! Ha ,ha ha!  But they know how to steal or capture by force or to take possession of public /government properties like cars by taking illegal   decisions by themselves , to benefit themselves.
 Where have all the creame  lawyers of the bars gone. Where are the eyes and conscience of the Supreme Court Justices are loitering ?/gone/ God save this country from the clutches of these monsters.

9. Joe Pietri
In 1995 i debated a representative of DEA at the Uni. of Miami. i was their worst nightmare on the stage.As I told the students of the effects of American foreignpolicy on  drug  on the Third World,I could see that  the DEA  agent's face was becoming redder and redder. Istated that  American drug policy in general led to hardcore drug addiction.
I told them about Nepal,where there was no heroin problem when marijuana and hashish were legal,and that after making it illegal they now have over a half -million heroin addicts in a country where no opium is grown or heroin produced. I also explained how the continued prohibition of

 marijuana leads to hardcore drug addition. ....


10. harry Subba
Commonality in expression of the Fearsomes.
 Mummur Gaddafi the great leader and our Maximum Leader have been found with one commonality in their rabble rousing speech making to arouse the crowds; may be a common trait of demagogues in history. The other one was our Fruher Adolf  himself in the past.
 Puspa Kamal  says every thing in the name of Janata and any body not listening to him , he warns tha people will be bound to take up arms agains them.. So is Mummur Gaddafi ,the Libiyan Colonel, is doing now in his address to his peoples. He says that the Libiyans will take up arms against those people who have risen against his dictatorship that the people will take up arms and risr e against the same people. Is this the practice of all demagogues all over the world? The coal calling the kettle black?

11. bichharibaaje
"mechmathi andha manchheharu!

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)