Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
One of the world's coolest nationalities

ASS


The only consensus is that there is no possibility of a consensus now. The way the cookie has crumbled, maybe we should have just let Prime Minister Macoon continue as caretaker till May. The Donk's back of the envelope calculation shows that Rs 12 karod of taxpayer's money would have been saved by not replacing the government at the present time. Imagine the cost of dislodging all current ministers from their lodgings. You can be sure at least ten of them will refuse to hand back their official cars, and there will be equipment and bathroom fixtures missing from Harihar Bhavan. The new ministers will need added moving allowances.Just to replace one UML guy with another UML guy for four months? We should've just let MKN carry on cutting ribbons and wearing funny hats.

***

Till Thursday press time, looked like we had a breakthrough in the four-ass race. The rules for prime ministerial election having been altered, however, no one knows for sure if the honourable members voted dishonourably. They can't remain neutral, but they can still have a mass diarrhoea attack, scoot off to the loo at voting time, or tear up the ballot slip and stuff it in the box. In a democracy, you can take MPs to the polling booth but you can't make them vote.

***

The fact that Shyam Saran hadn't arrived in KTM till Thursday afternoon meant the Maoists were never near getting the magic 301 to hit the jackpot with the help of the Forums. The reason Awesome's candidature wasn't going nowhere was because Kingbreaker Bijaybabu of the Locktantrik declared himself a candidate minutes before the deadline expired at 4pm Wednesday. This move essentially check-mated Awesome's last-ditch attempt to propel himself to power. PKD was desperate to be PM, and his top secret plan (to which only the Ass is privy) was to delay constitution-making till 28 May so he could rule forever. Ditto: Ram Chunder Poodle and Jhol Nath Khanal, the other candidates with naked ambition. And guess what, Com Yummy was still canvassing for Hubby even though he wasn't even a candidate.

***

The most tragic figure in all this is still Come Red JN who has decided to happily play second fiddle to the Baddies. When KPO proposed JNK as the UML's candidate on Tuesday he meant it as a satire. He thought Jhallu didn't stand the chance of a snowflake in hell. MKN, slow on the uptake even at the best of times, looked visibly shocked when Oli Dai proposed his arch-enemy as UML candidate, but must have thought Com Oli knew something he didn't because he seconded the motion.

***

So, to recap: MKN'd have rather backed PKD as PM than JNK. BRB'd have preferred Padam Rotten than PKD. And SBD would have even agreed to PKD, but not RCP. This must be why Nepalis are ranked #10 by CNN as the world's coolest nationality: www.cnngo.com/explorations/life/12-coolest-nationalities-earth-050844

***

Bouquets to Rastra Bank guv Crown Prince Khatiwada for declaring an end-of-year deadline for phasing out bank notes with Kingji's mug. Smart move to say you are erasing the last vestiges of monarchy to inject cash into the ailing banking sector. Petrol and diesel also literally face a liquidity crisis because we haven't paid the Indians. Good news is that it's not just us, apparently Kingfisher and Jet Airways together owe IOC Rs 1,775 karod, too.

***

Baddies fighting over the division of the spoils is getting worse. The split in the Kranti Curry trade union erupted into gang fights this week. Although the Baidya-loyalist faction led by Com Budgegain has accused the PKD-loyalist Com Jamcattle faction of a lack of transparency in accounts, the real issue seems to be that Mr Salik is keeping all the casino loot to himself. The problem for ordinary people is that we are now going to be extorted by not just one but two competing Baddie factions.

***

Some Mau Mau are sick of their party's descent into the criminal underworld. Take Com Yukta, who tore up his membership card and has taken off for a Vipassana retreat.



1. Raja
A few additions to enrich ass,s column.



Jhol  Na  Khana.
Jhel  Khan.
Jhel Khaw.
Ramro Chhurundro. Ram Chhuchundro.
Kamredi  Unni Hasiya.
Hinguli Baidya.
Kamred Jumra or Camp-rat  Jamra Cat- tail.
Jhusil Kira.
Chher bahadur Kahaja.or  Chhod Bahadur Ganja.



2. Slarti

PKD was desperate to be PM, and his top secret plan (to which only the Ass is privy) was to delay constitution-making till 28 May so he could rule forever.

That's a brazen counter-revolutionary lie Ass. The constitution has been written and will be unveiled on 28th May, excerpts are here:

Open: This is the constitution of the Republic of Sovereign, Socialist, Secular, Collectivist, Pluralistic, Politically Charged, Federal, Multi-Ethnic, Consensual, Multi-Party, and Democratic Nepal.

Purpose: To find the elusive socialist man, (women are exempt) wherever that buster lives. And then whoop his backside for hiding there.

Preamble: We the people of RSSSMPPFMCMD of Nepal deliver our collective decision by consensus that everything must belong to politicians, the guardians of our liberty, moral superiority, international popularity, and of course, the CNN granted right to coolness, especially for lugging foreigners baggage (and their agenda). We all must always be politically charged and offer our consensus to believe in utopia, and call for periodic banda.



3. Slarti

President of the Tours and Travel Agents Association, Arjun Prasad Sharma, says this kind of travel advice is produced to prevent foreign ministries from being sued. �This is to protect the jobs of the embassy people and the government people,�� he says, �the benefit of tourism goes to the grass level people in Nepal, the embassies have to support the people and stop this (travel advice), we don�t need aid, we need business.��

Shame on you Ass, we were completely unaware of the fact that you were the sole beneficiary of this racket. 



4. Slarti
Other than the fleas and the termites slowly eating away into everything but otherwise busy writing the constitution, delivering consensus based sound-bites, and carrying out the burdensome responsibility of enjoying the perks of their office.

5. Gole
PKD.

He is neither puspa,flower child,nor kamal,lotus-eater( Cultural revolution terminology),but dal-vat dahal, only.
 No worry mate.(pronounced mite).


6. Rajajaram Nepali
   Rebuilding Nepal like repairing  and maintaining an old edifice.


Without democracy  this country will soon be obliterated in the atlas of the world so.on.  But instead of one Nepal ,there will be many new nepals
 If you want New Nepal ,only way is to change its name;any new nomenclature better in racial -ethnic ways to satisfy a in  minority aspiring activists and communal am,ong us.
Nepalis just air and water it was never born , it was eternal. It has minimum five thousand years of history and has contributed to enrich world culture.
 So one can only RE-Build Nepal ,never make a new One.
it is absolutely absurd to build a new one.   Whose stupid idea is it ; dear readers please find out for fools like us.
It had some limbs caught with gangrene so amputate that part only and add science and technology component from the west and democracy too; the rest the spiritual dimension part we can teach the rest of the world.  It is enough I think for today.


7. Rani
# 1 Raja

 Jhel Nath Khu  Kha.


8. who cares
5: goel,

"pusap" for using crying out loud, female name.

"jhallu ram"- sounded like a name of a fool, keeps on getting jilla, person who makes a fool out of himself regularly. 




9. Khurafati
Hi Gole
You DVD ( dal - vat - dahal ) not working ,call Bauwan Singh he will take care of repai& maintenances. Now 6 days over no music come.


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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