Nepal may be a republic, but it still has a massive royal hangover. And any royal will do, even a itinerant Oil Sheikh. How does one explain awarding the Gorkha Dakshin Bahu (Revolutionary) to a Royal Highness from Saudi Arabia when we have put our own royalty in the doghouse?

If the intention was to lick the regal backside to jharo one arab from One Arab, as usual we failed miserably. Sri Punch Alwaleed Bin Talaal and Amira threatened to fly out immediately to Bhutan when they heard at the hotel that the medals were not ready yet. This was republican Nepal's new honour and due to the usual delays known as the MRP Syndrome the medal and sash hadn't been finished by the time the Shake got here. Rumour has it the civil servants in the concerned ministry dragged their feet purposely because they rightly asked: "Who dis guy, and why he get medal?" Bhutan being still a monarchy, and a country that has developed buttering dignitaries to a fine art, the Mr and Mrs Sheikh will probably be more impressed. However, the danger now is that the guy may be back collect his award, and we will close down our airport again for the whole day.

***

That's it. Enough is enough. We used to inflict monstrous traffic jams on ourselves everytime our royalty travelled anywhere, now we do it when imported royalty come in and out. Who decides these things anyway? Time to stop closing down the airport every time a domestic or alien VIP is flying in or out. We should also wrest control of the Berry Berry Important People building at the airport away from the army and hand it over to a civilian authority. In fact, while we are at it why not convert that royal-era edifice into the domestic terminal and demolish the current domesticated terminal because it is such a health hazard. And while we are still at it, let's also hand over the Maiti Ghar to Bhadrakali shortcut back to the people and reduce the traffic congestion. The ex-royal army should in fact return the public property it has seized in Tundikhel over the past three decades, and set an example for the Maobaddies.

***

It's not that we haven't got ideas to end the political deadlock in this country. The Hatiban summit came up with four: revolving prime ministership, revolver prime ministership or revolting prime ministership. One of the three should do
the trick.

***

Just as power came out of the barrel of the gun, today in the Baddie party power comes from whoever controls the money. And Awesome has made sure that the money bags are all loyal to him. They can make their millions as long as they pay a tithe to the party, and this is going to buy him majority support at the Gorkha plenum. What this means is that the party is now in control of warlords up to their necks in crime and corruption. BRB alludes to this tangentially in his plenum report, but even he knows how dangerous it is tell it like it is.

***

While we are all distracted by the so-called feud in the Maobaddie hierarchy and Lotus Flower being caught between a doctor and a baidya in Gorkha, no one has noticed that all three position papers of PKD, BRB and MBK say no way Jose to giving up the PLA/YCL and there is no word about the party giving up extortion and violence. The plenum is going to end with PKD and BRB patching up because both agree the peace process needs to be concluded so the party can make a push to win two-thirds of votes in the next general election and rule happily ever after.

***

And this just in: Narayan Kaji Shrestha, Prakash Man Singh and Bishnu Poudel called to meet the mandarins at British Govt's Stabilisation Unit, re. But when they heard a receptionist answering the phone: "Hello Stab U, how can I help?, they hung up and quickly returned home.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com