Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Don't cry for me Urgentina

ASS


Nepalis are now split right down the middle. Not between Maobaddies and Rajabaddies, not between kangresis and eh-maleys, not even between the fans and foes of the donkey. No, this country is deeply polarised between those who support Brazil and those who support Argentina in the World Cup.

For example, while Thimi is for Argentina, neighbouring Dadhikot is Brazil territory. Butwal is Buenos Aires and Surkhet is Sao Paolo. Cities, neighbourhoods, and even families, are now split between the SeleÁ„o and the Albiceleste.

So, it was bound to happen. This week, Argie fans got into a fight with the Brazilians in Lokanthali over the size of the flags of their respective countries. Sports psychologists have pondered long and hard about why Nepalis seem to root for Brazil, and the only explanation seems to be that the local KFC sources its drumsticks from a poultry farm in Fortaleza. And we seem to have a special soft corner for Argentina because we need to make it up to them for having helped the Brits keep the Malvinas.

And in conclusion, the Ass bows its head in humble tribute to the superior genius of the anonymous master who made this fabulous montage (above) of bhoto jatra. No wonder the rains are late.

***

Thanks also to Shitall Nibas for giving us a nostalgic retrospective of the royal days with the massive traffic jam caused at rush hour by the presidential carcade at the bhoto jatra festival last week.

And just like in the good old days of the monarchy, supporters of a Hindu Kingdom have set up His Majesty King Gyanendra Birthday Celebration 1,565-member Main Committee to mark kingji's 64th happy budday for three glorious days.

***

Miffed that Comrade Ugly had his US visa revoked, Awe-Inspiring last week immediately called up his five-member delegation at the Boston Tea Party and ordered Chandra Prakash Gajurel, Top Bahadur & Co back home pronto from the Hotbed of World Imperialism. But the severely jetlagged Com Moonshine, Com Cannon Fodder and Com Pomp-fa were just getting to enjoy the delights of capitalism and gently persuaded their travel agent to not try so hard to confirm their tickets back. So, the Baddie contingent ended up staying five extra days at the Boston Hyatt, boycotting the conference they went to attend, and enjoying a well-earned break. Apparently BRB was also invited and was sorely tempted to go, but declined when he found out the North American Nepalis had pitted him against Gen Cutwall, who by the way, seems to be getting an enthusiastic response from audiences in the Land of the Brave.

Which brings us to the faux pas that the Americans made by not doing a background check on Com Ugly. They should've learnt from the Ozzies who had also granted then withdrawn Sap-quota's visa earlier this year. This showed either a) a willingness to have Ugly found out on arrival at Logan, or b) a lack of proper vetting by the visa section of the embassy, which passed the buck on to Human Rights Watch and Advocacy Forum.

***

The real reason the prime minister resigned was because cartoonists had started calling him Madhav Kumar India. But all signs are that the infighting within the parties to find a successor is going to heat up and MKN may remain in office for another year as 'take care' PM. With PKD vs BRB in UCPNM, JNK vs KPO in UML and RCP vs SBD in NC, the three-way power struggle promises to be a long and bruising one and the candidates will cancel each other out. Masterstroke by Makunay kamred.

***

The country is so strapped for Indian currency that NOC stopped paying IOC so there is a fuel shortage again. This is going to last until Nepal Oil Corruption once more raises prices and until that happens everyone between Raxaul, Amlekhganj and Thankot is going to hoard and make a killing. With this sort of mentality it is no surprise that Nepal Ayal Nigum decided to send a delegation to Russia where scientists have perfected the technology of mixing 20% water in diesel without any major consequences. Apparently the Nepalis are going there not to learn, but to show the Russians how you can take it to 50% and make a lump sum.

***

A couple of laks in 1,000 and 500 denomination Indian roops were confiscated from the Home Minister of Naga Land as he was trying to make a swift getaway at the airport on Wednesday. This means the treasury has replenished our war chest with IC and there is enough money to import diesel to last us till Friday afternoon.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com



1. kabulekanchho
Now that Brazil is out of the fray, we could all support the Diego boys. And the Messi's bhoto showing above could be the sign of the things to come. Argentina take the world cup and do not sulk for Islas Malvinas, leave that for Gorkhalees as an employment destination.


2. DG
TRAFFIC JAMS.- one example.

The Public Road Maitighar-Bhadrakali is blocked by the Army putting barricade. It was taken over during the  insurrection days for their security. Now the situation is changed and there is no need to close the Public Road by the Army. There is a .masan in side.The main entrance of the Technical Training Institute of the Institute of Engineering was also closed and a new entrance on the Dhangodam road was opened during the emergency.
The silence of nagaric sarbochata movement is intriguing. Why not go to the court with public interest litigation PIL against the Army and Defence Ministry  with the help of bar association lawyers and get this issue resolved.? Or do we resort to student agitation to open the road? Where are the good Samaritans gone, the YCL ? The army could raise the walls on either side if they need extra security , not block public road. This is never done .Such high hinded ness on the part of the army is not in keeping with the time.They should have the good sense to open the public road of vital traffic importance  by themselves. No where in the world such arrogance is tolerated by the public. Roads are never closed  this way.-


3. Battisputali
How about you take the lead DG? Go ahead. File a PIL.


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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