Better late than never- Nepali Times

The Only in Nepal Absurd Quote of the Week must be Deb Gurung explaining nationwide Red Guard exercises to the BBC Nepali Service: "A khukuri is not a weapon". Right. The man should try taking Nepal's knational knife through airport security and see what happens. Deb Dai went on to explain that the khukuri is a cultural item used to decapitate buffaloes and no one should be unduly perturbed about Baddies brandishing it about. After all, it is keeping the Bhojpur knife industry in business and is good for the economy. Just like the breakdown in law and order is good for the economy because the sale of armour-plated Mercs have gone up?

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The Second Runner-up to this week's funny headline contest must be this one from a Kathmandu daily about the nation's finest being on high security alert: "Police Confiscate 350 Sticks". What the Ass wants to know is why those sticks are not in the containers that the UN is guarding like a hawk.

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PKD asked media moghuls this week why they were complaining about being extorted when businesses were forking out donations without even being threatened. Then he was asked who he was alluding to when he said a 'Hidden Hand' didn't want the Maobaddies to come to power. His reply (actual quote): "It is hidden, so how can I tell you who it is? However, if there are certain foreign forces you think I am referring to when I say hidden, and if those forces are the ones I am thinking of when I say hidden hand then you will not be too widely off the mark."

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And someone tell me this item from the Zimbabwe Herald (Published by the Government of Zimbabwe) is not real:

VP Mujuru Hails China's Support HARARE, 20 April: Vice President Joice Mujuru has commended the Chinese
government for its continued support for Zimbabwe and has called for strengthening of bilateral ties.

VP Mujuru said this at a luncheon she hosted yesterday for workers from China Jiangsu, the company that refurbished the National Sports Stadium.

"When the President talked about the Look East Policy many people thought it was a joke, but we have many programmes set out and there is a lot that is in the pipeline," she said.

Zimbabwe supports the One China Policy on Tibet, Taiwan, Hong Kong and Nepal.

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And in other news: A Bad Boy attacked college students with a non-lethal khukuri last week, got himself arrested for attempted murder and then was released because his cohorts went on a rampage. A cantonment combatant was found with 35 grenades on a nightbus, detained and released due to political pressure from a higher-up authoritarian. Khao Baddies were not satisfied with the amount of 'donation' they got from three educational institutions and made arses of themselves by resorting to arson and torching eight yellow school buses. Police arrived promptly at the scene and took the buses into custody.

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The Awful One is making a last ditch attempt to seize power by launching a hunger strike and refusing to dine with the president and prime minister. Things must be really bad if Shitall Nibas dinner diplomacy is not working. His Fierceness is so desperate to get back to sleeping in his 100K posturepedic bed he does not want a consensus candidate from his own party to be PM. The Baddies are really begging Cutwall & Co to take over because they need an enemy. Last one leaving the city, please turn the lights off. Oops, sorry, they're already off.

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Those of us who got a rude wakeup call last week as cannon fire rent the air at dawn must be thinking: how many Democracy Days do we need in this country? Trouble is we have at least two words for democracy in Nepali:
Prajatantra and Loktantra. And when we usher in Janabad Dibas, we will observe that too by blasting howitzers at an ungodly hour and scaring all the crows.

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Baddies are so much into extortion these days that they think pyramid schemes are great business. Comrade Lil Babadur told the honchos at Unity who run an illegal network business: "When we form the government, we will implement your scheme as government policy." Why not just declare loot and plunder govt policy?

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Pradip the Giri was chief guest at a book launch the other day. He came an hour-and-half late. The title of the book: 'Samayalai Salam'.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com

1. rip van winkle
even a kid knows that khukuri is the bloodiest weapon of neapli history. no other weapon has spilled more nepali blood than khukuri.

robert mugabe and pachake are soul mates so ccomments like that i would not take it seriously

Posted on: 30 APRIL 2010 | 3:27 PM NST

2. c.k. shrestha
This comment has been removed by the moderator.

Posted on: 01 MAY 2010 | 2:23 PM NST

3. C.K.Shrestha

The idiot always think that all others are also idiots and Dev Gurung is no exception!!

Posted on: 01 MAY 2010 | 4:32 PM NST

4. kabulekanchho
Can we declare Kaamred Mujuru a great visionary friend of Nepal, like we have been declaring martyrs in wholesale these days? I am not sure if this side kick of Zimbabwean butcher spoke out of ignorance or with genuine love for Nepal; it will be good for Nepal if it could jump straight to socialism with Chinese, Tibetan or Taiwanese character rather than going through kaamred Prachanda's great leap forward, Kaamred Dev Gurung's Khukuri wielding cultural revolution and finally Kaamred Lalldhoj's communism with Nepali character. It will definitely be a good and a "Short-cut Path" to the ultimate goal rather than the worn out and glamour less Prachanda Path!

Posted on: 01 MAY 2010 | 12:16 AM NST

5. jange
Of course a khukuri is not a weapon. In the land where Prachanda is the second Buddha, where murder, loot and extortion and peaceful means and part of the peace process how can a khukuri be a weapon?

Posted on: 02 MAY 2010 | 8:12 AM NST

6. jange
Nepal should declare Prachanda to be the incarnation of Buddha for having brought peace to Nepal when everyone else had failed.

Posted on: 03 MAY 2010 | 8:29 AM NST

7. A.B. Shake

luck.tantra is getting difficult to understand....

D. Gurung must bee talking about khukuri rum....

hat's off to the white elephant.....

for driving our press freedom....

Zimbabwe rocks.....!!!

Posted on: 03 MAY 2010 | 2:39 PM NST

8. jange

Here is a bio of Joyce Mujuru. Not far off from our own MB!

Joyce Mujuru (b. April 15, 1955), is a Zimbabwean politician, who serves as a vice-president of the Zanu-PF party, alongside fellow vice-president Joseph Msika and president Robert Mugabe, taking a position left vacant following the death of Simon Muzenda. This puts her in line to succeed Mugabe, if he retires in 2008. Along with her husband, Solomon Mujuru, and other Zanu-PF party members, she is the subject of personal sanctions imposed by the United States.

Mujuru was born in Zimbabwe's northeastern district of Mt. Darwin, a Shona from the Zezeru language group. (Many Zanu-PF party leaders, including Mugabe and Msika, are also from this area.After completing two years of secondary education, she decided to join Zimbabwe's war of liberation. She downed a helicopter with a machine gun on February 17, 1974 after refusing to flee.
"Incredibly, I hit the machine and there was a lot of black smoke and it crashed. A big explosion followed," she was quoted as saying of the incident in which all the occupants of the helicopter perished.
She took the nom-du-guerre Teurai Ropa (spill blood), and then rose to become one of the first women commanders in Mugabe's ZANLA forces. In 1977 she married Solomon Mujuru, known then as Rex Nhongo, deputy commander-in-chief of ZANLA.

The Mujurus now live on a 3,500-acre requisitioned farm, Alamein, 45 miles south of Harare, which has been found by the Supreme Court in Zimbabwe to have been illegally requisitioned from the farm owner.

Posted on: 03 MAY 2010 | 8:25 PM NST