Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Mass yogasm

ASS


It looks like Kingji badly upstaged Presidentji in Janakpur this week. The ex-head of state and the present head of state were head-to-head at the Janaki Mandir on Ram Nawami. The ex-raja came in a regular Buddha Air flight, while the prez flew in on the ex-raja's chopper. The president, being ceremonial, couldn't say much to the media, so the ex-king stole the media limelight. Ex-king: 1, Prez: 0.

***

There is still hope. According to The Economist's survey of the world's most unlivable capitals, Kathmandu is (surprise, surprise) not the worst. It is eighth from the bottom and what a relief to know that Douala, Port Moresby, Dhaka, Algiers, and Harare are even bigger hellholes. The survey used criteria like stability, healthcare, culture, environment and infrastructure. Whew, good thing they didn't use loadshedding as a criteria or we'd have sunk right to the bottom.

***

As a wag said: here in Nepal we got rid of Shah Dev, then we got rid of Bam Dev, but we are getting ready to welcome Ram Dev. Going by the tayari and bandobast at Tundikhel, for sure next week's Mass Yogasm is going to be a cross between Glastonbury and Woodstock. The Ass would like to propose that we make it mandatory for some of our fat netas to attend. Kickbacks are heavily calorie-laden and they should take up yoga to burn all those corruption carbs they've accumulated and earn some brownie points in heaven while they're at it. We'd like to see you all at Tundikhel sucking in your tummies.

***

Chairman Fierceness is looking rather trim these days and even the Prez (being a doc) complimented the comrade on having reduced his midriff. One year in the opposition seems to have been good for the Body Mass Index of Comrade Tremendousness, but the real reason could be he is so worried about the succession question that he has lost his appetite. The man is not even trying to hide the fact. He went to visit Makunay at his residence (not Baluwatar) last week and when the prime minister offered to step down in favour of BRB, PKD replied: "No way, Jose." Or words to that effect. MKN then said how about Kaji Narayan Kamred, and Awesome replied, "Nope, it has to be me." Something along these lines also seems to have transpired during the long, long wait at Pashupati between Sitaram 'GMR' Yechury and Fearsome. So the answer to the political stalemate, and the reason the peace process and constitution are being held up, is not just a power-sharing agreement between the Maoists and the other parties, but more specifically: finding a mechanism to make PKD PM again. His Fierceness is now going around town with a single-point agenda: make me PM and I'll sort out army integration and get the constitution written by May 28.

***

The bhag-banda between the UML and NC got so bad that the UML agreed to give up the MRP to kangres only if the kangres gave up Rastra Bank to the UML candidate. Essentially: the kangresis got the passports and the eh-maleys got the bank notes. Still, it was done in a relatively civilised manner, no blood spilt on the floor of the cabinet room. But they came close. When Healthy Minister Chowdri used Maithili expletives that included pithy descriptions of the genitalia of domesticated livestock against Homely Minister Rawal.The two would have castrated each other if a Comprehensive Ceasefire hadn't been declared.

***

What's with the Baddies suddenly singing paeans of praise for Girijababu, and falling over themselves to call him a 'guardian' and all that? It hasn't even been a year since the Maobuddies declared that the Kangres was their 'Number One Enemy' and a 'Satru Shakti'. PKD went as far as confessing this week that GPK had warned him not sack the army chief last year and "I should have listened to him". So, is the Chairman saying he blundered, and the entire agitation for 'civilian supremacy' was also a mistake?

ass(at)nepalitimes.com



1. kabulekanchho
Comprehensive Ceasefire between Homely and Healthy Minister sounds like a very positive signal coming from our beloved Gaijatraland. If two sandhe ministers who were hell bent on castrating each other could come to a respectable compromise, why can not Kaamreds of various shades and all dakkhinpanthi and uttarpanthi forces come together and write some constipation document to ease present ukusmukus in Kantipur?


2. ambo

who's all corrected! little panga yoga...

to little mama ..... hope panga wasn't banga....

health cure's saving all.....central.meeting of all organs....

little hin must do ..... a.mass the.mass who.mass

yoga's seems like,  non.violent breathing kung.fu .....

where "you.who" ensure Ear got the rhythm of singing Birds .....

nose open to all.air..... breathing all.loop bill.loop....

om bhu bhu on wheels.... jack.bike on prayer.wheel ....

bike forgot to wear brake.shoe....

it was running on slippers.....

hope the accident wasn't boxident ....

then that, and.that, need.that

SOS... SOS... SOS...

 

 

 

 



3. Gary
only in Nepal do we welcome such a divisive force such as ram dev and rejoice...aye carramba!!! and verily the gods punished the nepalese


4. aanch!
mango.on.tango
d.eee.b.cube in arena..... lasso peeach...
changing to peace.....
sing.ink..... boo.dumb.... sir.naaam....go.swamee....
working minds... hope works well to save health"n"order....
life runnin like... runned the stop....
little hunda on ICU...
"wheels" forgot to wear brake.shoe and was runnin on slippers....
clutch went ukus.mukus ..... ended.up in axxxi.scent
oxy.gen yoga on nose....
for the fren so close....
wish if we could recycle times
sud have got the lost bye.cycle
tea.belt on try.angle
underlined nose.....
highlighted with moose.touch
why don't we all catch the heavenly.way to sheet.all on summer.....




5. aa... foo

ambo shanti ..... & ..... aanch! bahadur

wrote   up.real   fool   poetry

on the most thoughtfull      "Headline"

thumbs all up..... connected with index.finger.....

it scary.lee looks like a fake.gun......

puzzled with babu bullet.....

name embraced the press..... press embraced the name....

who is to blame ?

rishi.mony .......... cc.mony ......... n harmony

trust.tea ....... beesh.wash....... mass.tea..

perception changed ....... life Jhinga.la.la ......

like constipation cured diarrhea

satru   ....... [ "soo...true"    "suck.tea" ]

me.true    he.true    we.true     they.true

nothing is false....... all is will ....



6. c.k. shrestha,ktm
Ramdev is another kam Dev,just  wait and watch !!


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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