Lately, it does look like the Indians and the Chinese are competing over which country sends more delegations and senior dignitaries to visit Kathmandu. In late 2009, there wasn't a week that went by without Beijing dispatching the PLA brass, or the entire TAR government machinery or its MoFA honchos on Nepal visits. Now, the Indians are doing the same: no sooner had Foreign Minister Krishna flown back to Delhi, it was the turn of Gen Kapoor to fly in. And because the Chinese last year had visited Birganj, Kapoor made it a point to go to Mustang as well. The two regional alpha males doth look like they are watering the perimeters of their domain. Or, shall we say, spike their spheres of influence with urinary markers?

Our own Gen Gurung must have had a dialogue of the deaf with Gen Kapoor, however, because news of the Indian Army Chief's hearing problems (apparently he wasn't wearing ear muffs while shooting off guns during a US Army weapons demo last year) was splashed by Indian tv while he was in Nepal.

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And the Baddies, with their impeccable sense of timing, visited various disputed border hotspots just before the Injuns invaded. There were some interesting paradoxes: Kaji Narayan Kamred, who was caught on candid camera shaking hands with the Indian SSB on the other side of Nawalparasi was, only a few days later, raising his fist at the Indian Embassy sit-in on Wednesday. Awesome gave broad hints to Minister Krishna that he should install him (Ferocity) as premier, and a few hours later went down to Udaypur to call for the abrogation of the Sugauli treaty.

But at least Awesome seems to be reading the Ass, which advised Comrade Chairman last week not to stop at the Mahakali but plant the Rato Ra Chandra-Surya on the banks of the Sutlej. Here are the Maoists refusing to give back property they seized from fellow-Nepalis, and they want the British to return territory it took away from us in 1816. Forget the Indians, the Baddies should declare war on Britain.

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OK, let's get this straight. PKD says he wants to talk directly to India. A few days later he says BRB is an Indian stooge. So why doesn't PKD just talk to BRB and save us all the bother?

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A vigilant reader has written to the Ass with a suggestion that the high-level committee entrusted with drawing up Girijababu's curriculum vitae for the Nobel Peace Prize Committee not to leave out the part under 'Work Experience' that GPK once waged an armed rebellion, helped hijack a plane, and that he even admitted in a tv interview once that he used to forge Indian currency. To this, we could add that he forced the government make his dotter DPM, and SuzieQ just scrapped the tender bids for Machine Readable Passports because the cabinet refused to change the TOR that would suit her favourite bidder. And when news of this leaked to the press, she berated Farang Ministry employees and (literally) threw the book at her PA, injuring him.

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Breakneck News: with PKD and Makunay nearly coming to blows at the meeting of The Mechanism the other day, the Three Wise Men have decided to form a taskforce to suggest ways that their High Level Political Mechanism can take the peace process forward and write the constitution. The task force is made up of two members each from the big three parties. To sumarise: the NC , UML, UCPNM JLPM TF will do a TOR. Why do we have a government made up of 44 ministers, remind me?

ass(at)nepalitimes.com