Nepali Times
KUNDA DIXIT
Under My Hat
Before we go, the main points once again

KUNDA DIXIT


One never knows during these uncertain times how long we in the fourth estate will be allowed to vent bile, so we must take freedom of press seriously. And in public interest, uphold our right to get things utterly wrong. As we hacks in the journalistic profession like to put it: let's make hay while the sun shines. In other words, let's strike while the iron is hot, as many as we have in the fire at this point.

We may not like what is going on around us, we may not agree with everything that is being said, but the constitution gives us the right to make things up as we go along. And thank Lord Bishnu for that.

Luckily we are all professionals here and we stick to our journalistic code of ethics and consider that lying is ok as long as we don't do it on purpose. That makes life much easier and allows columns like these, which would be banned in any civilised country, to see the light of day:

French Bomb Found and Lost at TIA

The plastic explosive that French police secretly planted in an unsuspecting passenger's suitcase in Paris last week has been located in the baggage of a passenger arriving at Tribhuban Internecine Airport (TIA) Thursday morning, unusually unreliable sources said.

The bundle of explosives, which French sniffer dogs could not detect at Charles de Gaulle was ferreted out by Bhalu, the mongrel who has made TIA's international apron his home and is often seen pre-inspecting incoming luggage for interesting tidbits.

"Yes, I can confirm that we have unconfirmed reports that Bhalu found the bomb and took it to an undisclosed location," the head of airport police told reporters, requesting anonymity, "he may have mistaken it for a sausage and shared it with friends." A wide dog-bomb alert has been put out in the capital.

NOC Employees Strike for Expensive Gas

Employees of the state-owned Nepal Oily Corporation (NOC) went on an indefinite strike Monday demanding a steep hike in petroleum prices.

"How can we make our ends meet and provide for our families if gasoline is so cheap," asked an employee who was gheraoing the corporation's premises by gham tapoing in the lawn. The All-Nepal Federation of Adulterous Gas Stations also joined the strike to create a manmade shortage demanding that the government hike petrol and diesel prices by 50 percent. "Otherwise it just doesn't make economic sense for us to mix kerosene in it," said one oil baron.

Corruption Day Observed

International Corruption Day was observed in Kathmandu on Friday with special talk programs, rallies, tyre-burning, street riots and arson.

"Nepal has taken the lead among the world's most corrupt countries, and we don\'t want people suddenly developing pangs of conscience," said an international consultant delivering a keynote speech at an interaction program on 'Getting Rich Is Glorious with FIDIC Contracts-a Top-Down Approach'.

Cowdung Supplies Sufficient for Winter: Govt

Responding to panic-buying by desperate citizens, His Majesty's Government has assured all and sundry that its strategic stockpile of cowdung patties are enough to meet the nation's winter demand.

Faced with a severe kerosene shortage, the public has reverted to dried cowdung, a traditional fuel. Kitchens of five star hotels have switched to cattle droppings, and pizza parlours specialising in wood-fired pizzas are now offering dung-fired double-topping pepperonis.

"Thanks to the contribution of Nepal's cattle population, our cowdung supplies are enough to meet any exigencies," said the Minister of Animal Husbandry and Bullshit.


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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