Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Ministry of Murder and Mayhem

ASS


As the donkey's ardent fans will tell you, we don't indulge in idle gossip here. Just the juicy ones. And one of the most intriguing ones doing the rounds these days is that the Baddies just won't let go of the "civilian supremacy" bone because they want to force Prez Ram Baran to resign to pave the way for PKD to be president. After all, "the First President of the Republic Nepal" was the campaign slogan of Comrade Awe-Inspiring and one he took extremely seriously indeed. Awesome has also moved the party HQ from Buddhanagar to Shantinagar, buying the house for Rs 30 million. The party got a hefty discount from the sau because the house is supposed to be haunted.

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But for the time being Ferocious is having a tough time clinging on to even the Chairmanship at the Politburo where he has presented his White Paper. However, the comrades are wondering how a document they hadn't even seen was already in the hands of some embassies. Comrade Laldhoj, who has no love lost for Chabilal and was going along with it just to keep the Indians happy, has hinted darkly at the cult of personality that is plaguing the party. BRB's main gripe is against Kaji Narayan, whom PKD plucked out of nowhere and made #2 in the party hierarchy. Ram Babu is justifiably proud of his achievements at the Finance Ministry and would have liked to see some of his programs through had the leadership not bungled relations with India so badly.

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The guy who was responsible for all this, Comrade Cloudy, meanwhile has been so busy fence-sitting that he doesn't realise the storm he has unleashed. It was Cloudy who set the cart careening down the mountain with his letter to Gen Cut Wall. But there he is clinging on to the Golden Middle in the Politburo, holding his cards close to his chest, keeping both sides happy and his options open. Smart guy becos the Politburo is split 50-50 between the hardliners and not-so-hardliners and by being coy, Badal gets to keep the swing vote. Smart chap, this is the guy to watch out for. Cloudy is in it for the long haul.

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This may not be a jumbo cabinet going by the precedent set by Lionheart in 2002, but definitely comes close. Maybe we should call it a Wide Body Cabinet going by the girth of the individual ministers included in it. At least someone is reading this paper's back page, because we now see that they've bifurcated Irrigation and Energy as well as Tourism and Civil Aviation in order to make way for new collision partners. But the Forum still hasn't made up its mind, which means we have to quickly come up with new line ministries. So how about: Ministry of Bandas and Hartals, Ministry of Daylight Robbery, Ministry of Highways and Blockades, Ministry of Murder and Mayhem, Ministry of Abduction, Extortion and Kidnappings.

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We all poked fun at Girjau when he called the YCL 'Young Criminal League' two years ago, saying ha-ha pot calling the kettle black. But it does look like the Old Fox was prescient, given the kind of rackets the young louts are involved with. Having captured Kathmandu's casinos, it looks like they now control the sand mining business, the Pashupati puja bookings, the sandalwood smuggling, all trade with Khasa, the Thamel restaurant and night club businesses. Name a honeypot and there will be YCL hands in it. Failed your driving license test? Just approach the Young Communist who's in League with the Dept of Transportation.

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The person most troubled by the downward slide of the country is none other than KingG, who is apparently working on a "deshbasi ko nam ma sandesh" timed 7 July, his 63rd birthday.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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