Nepali Times
22 rajahs


Even the Ass had underestimated just how serious the lust for power was going to be on the part of netas who wanna be in the new coalition. The donkey had predicted here that it would take a week for Makunay to cobble together a cabinet. It's been nearly three weeks. What is holding things up in this Government Sans Portfolios?

Well, it boils down to arithmetics. There are 22 members in the coalition, so we need a minimum 36-member cabinet because the Big Boys (and Gals) want more than one ministry. This presents a bit of a problem because there ain't enuf ministries to go around. So Baluwatar has hit upon a wonderful idea: they're going to split up the double-barrelled mantralayas.

The Ministry of Tourism and Civil Aviation can be bifurcated into the Ministry of Tourism and the Ministry of Civil Aviation. And if even that won't do, they can go a step further and divide it up into the Ministry of Civil and the Ministry of Aviation. The Ministry of Works and Physical Planning can also be cut up into the Ministry of Works, Ministry of Physical and Ministry of Planning.


The PMO had just heaved a sigh of relief that it'd resolved the issue when the parties also started splitting, thus necessitating chopping up the ministries into further pieces. The MJF is going through binary fission with full-scale coota-coot in Birganj, the kangresis are loggerheads over Soodata Koirala becoming Farang Minister, and even Chure Bhabar may split one of these days. How on earth are all these new parties and their new leaders going to be accommodated?

And true to the legendary inability of Nepalis to get along, the Brahmanical e-maleys (pronounced 'eh-malaise') have a serious rift between JN and his home ministry nominee Iswar P and the Oli faction.

KPsir never really trusted the fellow-comrade and communist atheist named Iswar, and has opposed his candidacy for Home Sweet Home Ministry. JN and BidyaB are also on a collision course with their publicly divergent views on the eight jarsaps and the proposed court martial for Cool Budder. No surprises there, but Oli and Bidya are now in open confrontation against Comrade Makunay who is trying to appease the Baddies with a commitment to civilian supremacy. With me so far?


MKN is in the horns of a dilemma. Decisiveness is not one of the prime minster's strong points, which may be a good thing in a man supposed to keep everyone happy. Trouble is, he isn't getting any guidance about what to do next from the guys who control the remote. So he has no idea whether he should be trying to appease the Maoists or twisting their tail.


Meanwhile, it looks like Comrade Awful is missing the Rs 100,000 bed he had rigged up at Baluwatar. PKD now finds the Pistachio Palace a tad too claustrophobic, so he's moved to an orchid farm in Godavari to put finishing touches to his proposals over future strategy at the party's secretariat meeting next week. The strategy is reportedly to just wait it out patiently to allow the UML-led coalition to self-destruct by Dasain, and then make a move to stage an even stronger comeback.


It's four down 99 to go if the Baddies get all the ethnic groups in Nepal to stage their own bunds. The Ass' solution to this is for Nepal (the country, not the premier) to dissolve parliament, dismantle the army, abolish the portfolioless cabinet, go back to the Baise and Chaubise Rajahs. the donkey'd rather have 22 rajahs than 22 unruly coalition members.


(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)