There are the chronic pessimists among us who look forward to the new year, see the glass as half-empty and complain about it. Then there are compulsive optimists like me who go over to the bar and get myself a refill.

Given the way things are going in this country and in our immediate vicinity, I have made a new year resolution to get myself a life membership of the Nepal Bar Association Pvt Ltd and that is probably where you'll find me during the course of the year nursing a large Famous Grouch on rocks. Which should be a fairly easy resolution to fulfill, considering that one of my 40-point resolution last year (stop making an ass of myself every week) never made it to the implementation phase.

Like it or not, the new year is upon us and, like it or not, tradition demands that we all come up with new year resolutions which is a non-binding Memorandum of Understanding one signs with oneself to make every effort to be a much nicer person in the forthcoming fiscal year. Having already made my resolution, I have been going around asking what other people's resolutions are. Here is a representative sample (for security reasons, some names have been changed to protect the identities of resolution-holders):

Haku, the sleepy household Lab: "Being a son of a bitch, I guess I'll strive to be an even greater son of a bitch in the new year. Now, if you'll excuse me, can I go back to sleep?"

Neighbourhood petrol station wallah: "It's been a good year for us, with blockades, the kerosene price differential and artificial shortages. I'm sure that in 2005 things will get better before they get worse."

Middle Marsyangdi Contractor: "We are looking forward to doing even less work in the new year than we did in 2004."

Defaulters Anonymous: "So the #$@%&** want to stop us from attending royal palace parties. Big deal. In 2005, I think I'll buy myself a Mazda 6 and invest in another apartment complex in Gurgaon."

Comrade Awesome: "In 2005, our brave and courageous fighters will set fire to more milk trucks and Maruti taxis, stop all ambulances and school buses and ruin vegetable farmers by preventing them from taking their produce to market. Onward with the great proletarian liberation, long live the strategic counter-retaliation offensive tunnel campaign against running dog imperialists and their blood-thirsty hegemonistic expansionist reactionary fascist mongrels."

Comrade UML General Secretary: "This government is hopeless and inept, it is a royal puppet, the minister has completely bungled the Korean labour issue, the country is a bloody mess, the ministers are in cahoots with the sugar barons. In 2005, we will support this government to the hilt."

The Kanchi Shankaracharya: "In the new year I'll seek political asylum in Nepal."