What's going on with the photo-section of our Maoist-controlled media? RSS transmitted a bucolic picture of Grindenwald in Switzerland with fat cows munching juicy grass and captioned it 'Scenic view of the Annapurnas from Poon Hill'. One can understand the Baddies are in a hurry to turn Nepal into Schweiz, but why would Kantipur splash that picture across the top of page 1 on Thursday?
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Then there is the still unresolved Reporter's Club Photo Mystery. Was Rishi Dhamala wiped out of the front page of Gorkhapatra, or was he inserted in the group picture with RCP, PKD and JNK in The Rising Nepal? Given their Stalinist tradition of airbrushing history, one can be sure the Maoist hakims at Gorkhe can't stand the ubiquitous Dhamala, but their colleagues across the balcony at TRN seem to totally adore him. In fact, they seem to love him so much they printed Dhamala's full page profile of PKD titled 'Prachanda: Towering Personality' last Friday. PM Awesome has dialectic gems like: 'Love and sex are purely personal matters and these are linked to social relationship...it can set in anarchy in any other combination. Sex is essential for healthy life.' Something lost in translation there?
There are other revelations: His Fearsomeoness used to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day (Zhong-Hua or Wills?) he still enjoys a peg or two (Red Label). His greatest non-living role models are Lenin and Gandhi and his greatest living role model is (gulp!) Girijababu. He doesn't use hair gel, and the current Chief Sa'b was milao-ing talmel between him and kingji pre-February 2005.
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Since he's going to be executive prime minister any day now, we might as well get Awesome's nomencalture sorted out. Prachanda, Chhabilal Baje, or Pushpa Kamal Dahal? The best thing may be to have it both ways and call him Prime Minister Prachanda Dahal, the President-Maker.
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In the Tale of the Three Brahmins Makunay, Giprako and Pukada, Girjau was knocked out first. The Maoists couldn't help blurting out to Makunay during a private meeting that his biggest liability was that he was a Bahun, a guy and a Pahadi and any one of those was enough grounds for disqualification.
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That the Maoists have nothing but contempt for UML comrades can be gleaned from the snide comments they pass in private about them. For a month, Awesome displayed awesome political acumen by dragging Makunay along by his nose by promising presidentship. MKN never guessed that Venerable Comrade Mohan Baidya would never allow it and Raja Ram was the Maoist choice all along.
Then Laldhoj got to work on JN to think about how he could take over as General Secretary if MKN was kicked upstairs. JN started whole-heartedly backing the Makunay for Prez lobby completely ignoring his own UML colleagues who told him he was being had. Behind the scenes, President Raja was wining and dining Madhesi leaders to lobby for his candidacy all week.
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Nepal Film Bored's recent Oscar Night was something to behold. With a Maoist Minister of Information and Broadcasting controlling the Film Corporation and self-confessed Bollywood buff Comrade Awesome present in person as Guest-in-Chief, it was perhaps a foregone conclusion that the film Janayuddha would sweep the awards, especially bcos it was produced by the Maoist People's Cinema.
So what if this was director Bimal Poudel's first feature film, he used to be the head of the Maoist Cultural Department. The man's genius: Janayuddha bagged Best Actress, Best Actor, Best Film, Best Lyrics and Best Editing-beating 30 other blockbuster Kollywood hits. The Ass thought the PLA guerrillas collectively deserved the best actor awards since they were playing themselves pretty convincingly. Come to think of it, a lot of people that night were reminded of film awards ceremonies during the royal days.
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This week's winning entry for the New Name Contest is from C Tuladhar and his prediction that Nepal will not be a Switzerland by 2020, but a Sewageland.
New Name Contest entries: ass(at)nepalitimes.com
