The thing to do with the current garbage crisis is to keep a positive mental attitude as you are knocked unconscious by the stench of rubbish in the capital of our glorious new republic.
For example, it is now much easier to give directions to people to my house. ("Get off the micro at Pulchok, turn left at the big black bull sitting in the middle of the road, walk uphill, let your nose guide you to the neighbourhood dump, and the Ass's abode is the third gate on the right. If you see another garbage pile that is causing a monstrous traffic jam because it is completely blocking the road, then you have gone too far.") This is probably the only city in the world where garbage causes traffic jams.
Nepal Tourism Board, always on the lookout for new ways to boost visitor arrivals now that Tibet is closed, should make the best of the situation and come up with trashy slogans like: 'Why Go To Naples When You Can Go To Nepal?', 'Federal Democratic Republic of Rubbish', 'Watch Us Consigning Ourselves To the Garbage Heap of History', 'Come Rot With Us'.
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While the YCL is now starting to translocate garbage from one neighbourhood of the city to other neighbourhoods as part of its transformation from the Red Guards into a Gandhian NGO, guess who is taking over from the YCL? The UML's own Youth Force (Motto: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em) is using the YCL modus operandi of vigilante justice and deploying goons to make showcase sting operations in front of tv cameras. The media is lapping up this ready-made drama because producers have realised it is the cheapest way to fill the airtime.
However, Comrade JN is reportedly coming under a lot of flak from within his party and donors about his new street gang. In one meeting on Wednesday, he tried to completely disown the Youth Force but it wasn't very convincing because Jhallubabu himself publicly tied red bandanas on the Hormone Hoodlums at a ceremony in Koteswor two weeks ago. Not to be outdone, the kangresi Tarun Dal is thinking of forming its own Pimple Platoon called Adolescent Army.
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It now transpires that JN was too much of an eager beaver in prematurely endorsing Kamred Makunay for president. He had thought this would neatly sideline his rival for party leader, but it now looks like Prachanda took Jhallu for a ride, like he did the Madhesis and the kangresis with his carrot and stick approach.
With a new candidate emerging every hour, tables are turning again in the presidential race. GPK is reportedly back in the ring after an earlier KO-not because Girjau wants it but because His Fierceness wants it. Yes, the choice of prez is stuck not because of competing claims by the Big Four but because of internal divisions within the Maoists.
Here is the state of play in a nutshell: Mohan Baidya wants Sahana, Fearsome wanted Makunay but wouldn't mind Ram Raja or Giri-raja but is hesitating because he doesn't want to be sworn in by GPK, Baburam wants PKD as prez so he can be executive prime minister, the army wants neither PKD nor GPK, JN wants MKN but only to prevent Sahana while some sections of the UML want Nembang, Pokharelis want Kamal Nepali for president. And GPK wants GPK. All clear?
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How come the Brits are so keen on PLA integration? A junket they'd organised in Pat Pong for this week has been postponed because only retired jarsaps, govt guys and ex-guerrillas agreed to go. Field Marshal Girija also put his foot down and reportedly asked the Brits if they had inducted the IRA into their own army. If they were so keen, the British Army could integrate the Maoists into the Gurkha Rifles and deploy them in Helmand Province.
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The winning contender for this week's New Name Contest is Shekhar from Handigau for renaming 'Ram Shah Path' to 'Prachanda Path'.
Entries to the New Name contest to: ass(at)nepalitimes.com
