Nepal's tourism planners decided three years ago to hire a rather horny-looking Rhino Dai as its frolicking brand ambassador with the suggestive slogan 'Visit Nepal, Once Is Not Enough'. This was just after Peru nearly severed diplomatic relations with Nepal because our tourism posters depicted Machupichu instead of Machapuchre.
With a mascot like Rhino Dai, it was only a question of time before Thamel started looking more and more like Pat Pong. Sure enough, there are now bars with showers all the way from the Moroccan Honorary Consulate to Sore Khutte. And trust the resident Economist correspondent to have done some undercover bar-hopping.
But our tourism wallahs seem to believe even bad publicity is good publicity, and decided to dash off an irate Letter to the Editor to the Economist denying there was any sex tourism in Nepal. 'Holidaymakers to Nepal are encouraged to enjoy traditional Nepalese dancing,' they wrote, 'where they can mingle freely with the dancers.' Hmmm. Are some of those dancers topless by any chance?
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Anyone who looks important enough can get into the VIP room at Kathmandu domestic airport these days, and that includes the Ass. The other day it looked more like an office of the Madhesi Front. Sipping coffee was Hridayesh the Tripathi who was holding forth on electoral delineation's effects on his constituency. Kapilbastu's Dan Bahadur Chaudhary and Brajesh Gupta of the Tarai Madhes Loktantrik Party were waiting for their Bhairawa flight to file nominations. In the corner, the MJF's Renu Yadav mulled over her shift from Saptari-3 to 4 to make way for a TMLP candidate. There was a lot of back-slapping all around and the mood was upbeat. But when asked, most said they were flying right back after filing their nominations. If the Tarai is too dangerous for Madhesi leaders wonder what it is like for the hillbillies.
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So the Americans have put out another Travel Advisory to cover their sorry legal asses. 'The Department of State remains concerned about the security situation in Nepal and urges American citizens to obtain updated security information before they travel and to be prepared to change their plans on short notice,' it says. Good thing most Americans are smart enough to ignore it and go wherever they want to by pretending to be Canadians. The warning goes on to say that 'road travel in Nepal is dangerous'. And Americans are reminded to remain 'on high alert' and 'avoid microbuses'. And Safa Tempos are safe? The Maoists are in the category of 'Officially Designated Global Terrorist under Executive order 13224'.
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Comrade Lotus Flower doesn't want his party to be struck off the US terrorist list, it gives him an international notoriety and respect he would not otherwise get. El Presidente is still thundering on about how if his party loses in the elections, it will "grab power with or without bloodshed". Back in his constituency of Kirtipur, Awesome is so scared he might lose that he has fielded 17 dummy candidates so his party is entitled to deploy 34 youths in the booths should there be a need to bash anyone up. However, there is one scenario the First Precedent of the Republic of Nepal hasn't factored in yet. What if one of his dummy candidates actually gets more votes than him?
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Over in Lalitpur, Comrade Pamfa is fielding seven dummy candidates besides herself. This just won't do, comrade, you need at least 17 dummies to have even a remote chance of winning.
Meanwhile Brother Number Two is campaigning in Gorkha and is being hotly pursued by the ghosts of the people his party eliminated. Which maybe why Bhattarai Baje climbed up to the Gorakhnath Temple to exorcise himself, got blessed by the High Priest and gave him a Rs 500 offering. If royalists can be nationalists, I suppose religion is no longer the opiate of the masses in the New Nepal.
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Don't get up your hopes of the petroleum crisis easing. The Madhes blockade may be over, but with crude oil staying above $100 per barrel, NOC is losing Rs 1 billion a month in subsidies and will not be able to pay for March imports.
And the power crisis is so bad the UML couldn't issue its Economic Strategy Paper this week because of load shedding at the printing plant.
ass(at)nepalitimes.com
