Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Swearing in Maithili

ASS


The 23-point agreement took so much out of the honourable Primordial Minister that he's gone back to sleep. It\'s been a week and there still hasn't been progress in announcing an election date, and the meeting of the high-level task force has been postponed on one pretext or another, the latest being that only Jana Morcha and UML showed up for the meeting on Wednesday in Balkhu that was supposed to plan for the real summit on Thursday.

...

Still, that hasn't stopped our politicos from hitting the campaign trail. Makunay was out town-hopping in the midwest, Comrade Awesome was on a whistlestop tour, kangresis of every hue (especially those who are ministers) are busy raising campaign funds.

The reason Girjau has been so quiet is because he has been busy in his Baluwatar bedroom working on The Reshuffle of kangresi ministers to be announced simultaneously with the date of the elections. OK, if that's the case maybe El Presidente is not asleep after all, and the Ass takes it back.

There is tremendous pressure on the PM to get rid of Sitaula Bro because he is seen as an electoral liability for the NC. But since the home minister always had a strong insurance policy (Awesome's in-law) he is probably only going to be kicked sideways to switch places with Ram Chandra Baje or be made Defensive Minister. The other idea is to give Sitaula a token coordination role so he can sit in the corner and twiddle his thumbs. That should make the First Daughter throw a sekt party in Mandikatar in joyous celebration.

...

Why the Ministry of Science and Technology should be the portfolio set aside for madhesi ministers is anybody's guess. Even this donkey can understand that the Supply Ministry and the Forest Ministry have traditionally been reserved for tarai ministers, but Scientology? And since Mahanta Thakur quit last month, no madhesi worth his salt is reportedly interested in taking that token ministry where the most important chore is the annual general meeting of NAST.

...

Poor Comrade Pampha, she had already started taking French lessons, and all for nothing. She'll just have to put into practice what she learnt in the ministry of women and children. Pity, we had only two women among our ambassadorial candidates and both have been disqualified before they even reached the semi-finals. Since Durgesh-cha has replaced Shailaja, one wonders if our ambassador designate to India will be unnecessarily beholden to his former guru Manmohanji, stand on his hind legs and go: "Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full."

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Girjau is under pressure to replace Sitaula with a madhesi home minister. If he did, it would be a master stroke. But of course he won't because if there was that much intelligence and foresight we'd never be in the mess we are in. There are hardcore pahadi kangresis angling for the job who are sending word to the Old Man via daughter, cousin, nephew (or all of the above) that they can kick ass at election time.

So petulant comrade Matrikababu is back, and refused to take his oath in Nepali. He must sure know how to swear in Maithili. Does anyone realise what kind of precedence was set on Wednesday at Singha Darbar? Ministers should now theoretically be required to be able to swear in all 93 Nepali tongues and sign language. And an inclusive proportionally represented parliament will probably need to make room for mentally handicapped MPs as well, that is if we haven't exceeded that quota already.

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When the 23-point agreement finally declared Nepal a democratic people's federated republic the Ass thought there'd be wild jubilation. After all, isn't this what we all wanted? But nothing, nada, zilch. No victory parades, no vermilion smeared leaders circumambulating Tundikhel, no paroxysms of self-congratulation on tv. Kingji is sitting tight as if nothing happened. Insiders say he's reading the headlines in the papers and watching television with a slightly bemused smile, especially when he gets to the part about recent BJP victories in Gujarat and Himachal.

In fact, royal cronies, hangers-on and heir-apparent Prince Porous are more worried than he is. Insiders say Kingji has reconciled himself to becoming Citizenji and is definitely not going into exile.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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