Nepali Times
Kingless and presidentless


Despite repeated warnings, our honourable members of the interim parliament refused to switch their mobiles off, causing the mikes to go haywire. The parliament secretariat had required everyone to deposit their mobiles outside with their firearms, if any. But most ignored that rule, so the secretariat has installed a jamming device.

This has been extremely effective. So effective, in fact, that the batteries of MP mobiles all run out if they keep them on while inside the august chambers.


No way the Maoists would be in the government before the SAARC summit, if at all, so when that is announced it won't even merit a headline.

In fact, the general lack of interest in the interim government is an indication of how inured the fuel-starved, electricity-starved, water-starved and entertainment-starved denizens of the capital have become to shenanigans inside Singha Darbar.

The long and short of it is that all decisions, including the fate of King G, are now on hold till after Girija Maharaj meets Emperor Man Mohan at the Delhi Darbar on 1 April. The Ass can see the April Fool headline already: 'Army Stages Coup, Declares Nepal Republic'.

You have to hand it to the comrades and their endurance and stamina for meetings. They can go for hours at their new HQ (semi-ironically located at Buddhanagar) and guarded by a fierce-looking security detail brandishing snub-nosed Colt Commandos.

Every which way the comrades look at it, they see a conspiracy by Running Dog Hegemons to prevent them from getting the deputy prime minister and placing themselves a heartbeat away from premiership.

We hear they see Girijababu as just carrying out the wishes of his farang mentors. The conclusion: forget about getting into government and continue playing opposition in the run up elections to reap the anti-incumbent benefits. Smart.Given the non-performance of the seven party alliance, the Ass guarantees that this strategy will be wildly successful.

Also, with civil society members of the Maobadi NGOs (MANGOs) pitching in, the comrades have an effective campaign machine already in place.


So just as well the Misinformation Ministry isn't going to Mahara. The Grey Shirts are on a death threat-rampage against journalists in Itahari and Mahedranagar this week and must be taking their cue from Comrade Twitchy who has himself been lashing out at the "foreign-controlled media". After the foreign media that felt alluded to complained to its embassy, His Awesomeness has laid off personal diatribes and passed the baton on to his underlings.

Us scribes are getting it from both sides now. No sooner had the Buddies bashed Kantipur recently, the Nepal Defence Army (who they?) lobbed sockets at the paper's branch in Biratnagar and other assorted party offices.


The latest plenipotentiary to go back without presenting credentials is the new Canadian ambassador. Our national limbo is stretching a bit too long, the Ass thinks. How long can we be both kingless and presidentless? Let's decide once and for all. The Maoists will not wait, and last week held their First All-Nepal Republican Sports Meet at Comrade Dasrat Rangsala. So let's replace 'republic' everywhere we find it. Start with Republican Chitwan National Park, Republican Stag whiskey, and refer to my own internal aches as a Republican Pain in the Ass.

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)